Solitude in Current Events

My anxiety was high yesterday. I can’t seem to connect to anything or anyone. I could not connect to my usual hobbies, interests and just anything. Not even to my usual trains of thought. I tried to listen to music and not even that could stir up my insides. I feel like a stranger in my life again. While I was sick, I must have had some paradigm shift. I did spend a lot of time in my head that week. My depression will follow this. I will figure out what that shift is and what it is that I am grieving when the time comes.

I did tell a lie to people. I hate lying but everybody was making my “being sick” their business. I needed them to leave me alone. It’s not my job to make everybody else comfortable. My body was healing, that is all they needed to know. My roommate made it all about her, it was egregious. She still won’t come near me, she won’t eat what I cook and she will not go near the couch I lay on. I did not do any of this to her when she was sick. What a twat.

My lungs are not back to normal. I can recognize this feeling from my childhood when I had issues with asthma. I grew out of that when I started running. I was the fastest kid in my province at one point. Then I smoked for ten years. I quit that when I turned thirty. Anyway, yesterday I worked out for a couple of hours. My lungs felt so good. Like, actually felt good. Breathing felt so good. I needed the exercise for my lungs and for my anxiety. However, my coughs taste like those medical masks that they make us wear at work. Those fumes, even while I was off for a week and a half it was all I could taste.

My anxiety has a lot to do with my workplace. I don’t feel secure there. They are trying to play pretend that they are public health warriors with omnipotent powers over us. Thou shalt not share food. Thou shalt not exchange holiday baking. Thou shalt not carpool. Thou shalt give us access to your bodies and do rapid testing. The day before I fell ill I discovered what they hid in one of the online training courses that we do monthly. The document didn’t even open for me so I didn’t get to read it but Linda printed hers and she showed me it. It was their policy on the unlicensed experimental vaccine. They strongly recommend it within the next 90 days. The document was just about the information on it but it is too close for comfort. The document will say one thing while the company gets the middle management to say something completely different. You know how the game goes. Even our government website stipulates informed consent. I don’t want to have to fight. This is just a dumb job, I can find another.

Toni appears to be actually getting ready for work today. This is great. I need time alone. I don’t want to be mindful of anyone else right now. I want to look for a new gig or a second gig. I need to collect my thoughts. Usually what I do is get lost in Skyrim. All I have is the vanilla version right now and I’ll play that for about an hour. Practically, like immediately after Toni leaves I usually start boiling water for a coffee enema. I’ll also detox with Epsom salts and a hot bath. Also, my cough hasn’t started yet. It usually does by now. It’s not a real cough, it’s just me clearing my throat. My ears and sinuses are draining again. I hope it stays this way. I’ll do another workout today. My body looks like I went on a cut. I thought I was going to look so bad since I hadn’t been able to do anything for over two weeks. I look shredded. My muscles are not bulked of course. I don’t overload, I should.

I follow a lot of brilliant minds and the most brilliant of them all is making his rounds right now in interviews. I never hear him talk about current events and he just confidently put a two-month window on when this shit show pandemic will be over. I sure hope so. It’s just that, I can’t imagine a future where the truth is front and centre. Everybody is too committed to propaganda where simple logic and reason do not exist. We reached herd stupidity, these people will not generate an original thought. They will just recite the same old talking points from the fake big pharma funded news.

There is a lot of rhetoric on my side of the narrative about just letting these people die. All that toxic waste and material will have to come out eventually. Their bodies are storing it for now while also trying to neutralize the acidity, depleting them of nutrients that they will need when the time comes for a detox. If they can’t detox it when the time comes they will die of what they call AIDS. Nobody is thinking about their liver or their deficiencies. Medical mandates are prepared to just call it a con-19 death. Even their narrative is changing. The CDC no longer authorizes the use of PCR tests. The conspiracy theorists were right about that one, it cannot determine anything. It cannot differentiate between con-19 or the flu. Of course, germ theory is a hoax altogether what they are looking at are just our own nucleotides. This was a casedemic from the beginning. They didn’t use death rates, bed capacities, or anything of that sort to justify their con-1984 response. They used case counts which were built by a fraudulent test. My country is still using it. My province, actually, was just put on blast by those on my side of the narrative. Omicron, everybody here ran to get tested. Hypochondria is a mental illness but anyway, the government site showed that 100% of people who tested positive were vaccinated. At the end of the day, if you put what the tests are looking into your body, what was supposed to happen? No one unvaccinated went and got tested. Obviously.

They are shifting the narrative, the head of the CDC is saying that people are being hospitalized WITH con-19 and not FROM con-19. Dr, Fauci openly said that the experimental vaccines appear to be making people more vulnerable which wouldn’t be the first time that a vaccine made people more vulnerable. Of course, the big science behind these variants is that vaccinated people are getting sick. This must mean that the mythical virus mutated. They don’t test differently, they don’t have any isolated virus to compare and contrast, they just boldly assume it is a variant. These variants have absolutely nothing to do with unvaccinated people. Everybody still just commits to the propaganda where, for the first time in history, we accuse healthy people of carrying diseases. We blame the ineffectiveness of a medical protocol on those who won’t take it. We agree to believe that a virus mutated to become stronger. We use young people and children as shields against something with a 99.9% survival rate. Whatever, the cable news cult will not question the $cience. They will not process information. They will not generate an original thought. These are dangerous people.

Anyway, I wonder how John’s detox is going. He is a coworker, we bonded one day over the vaccines. He is getting it, after all. The peer pressure from his family was too much. He went and saw a naturopath who gave him a vigorous detox regime. There is no silver bullet of course. That terrain doctor told him that he cannot repair the damage from the mRNA. There is no science or data on that, this is new technology. Our DNA does repair itself so I don’t know.

Anyways, I shall move on with my day now. My anxiety is not sky high today and I think that is because I am just looking forward to being alone while Toni is at work.