My problems just get worse. in Since OD is shutting down....

I needed my Mother to come help me yesterday and even though I told her all week, she managed to still get out of it and then not understand when I finally run out of patience and understanding. There is truly no winning with my family at all. Nevertheless, she was to come babysit but didn’t so because I’m really sick of her throwing it in my face about her babysitting and not being reliable, I’m diligently working on finding a sitter.

My ideal situation would be to find a SAHM because they have a better range of availability, someone with patience, a non-smoker so I don’t have to worry about my kid being around smoke and someone that is affordable. There’s just gotta be someone with these qualifications here in the city I live in. Just one is all I’m asking for.

I can’t help but get upset that I’ve never be able to rely on her Dad and she’s going to be 5 this year. He has absolutely no responsibility to his own child and I’m honestly frustrated and stressed out all the time because I bare the brunt of the responsibility on my shoulders while he plays victim. He has no idea what it’s like worrying about childcare, money, cleaning up the house multiple times a day, being forced to get along with people and putting up with them eating/wasting your food just so you have a sitter or not getting to have a social life at all.

It starts to get really draining being all on my own with very little help and no support system at all. I really don’t see it ever changing. I have all the same worries and problems day in and day out and I have for almost 5 years now.

After next week, my kid has a week break from school so I get to figure out how to keep her busy for a few days which isn’t easy because it’s cold outside most of the time and she gets bored being in the house every day. It’s great that I get to deal with everything by myself.

On a brighter note, I’m going to be getting a free phone service so I can save $45/month. I’m also going to see about switching my car insurance for cheaper rates as well. I’m so irritated not having a sitter so I can make money tonight or any other time but I’m not giving up, I’ll find someone.

Constantly worrying about finding childcare is exhausting. Even thinking about it makes me so tired where it’s hard to function. I find myself binge eating and smoking excessively too. I really hope he’s happy with what he’s left me with while he ‘struggles’ with living for free and no responsibility to anything.

Anyways, I gotta go make lunch.