Testimony in Meeting Mr. Jesus Christ

Given considerable time to meditate on my relationship with Christ much has been revealed to me. Like all people in our church I've been affected by the events of the past four or so months. Obviously I have not been able to avoid questioning my place in the overall picture, or perhaps more accurately my absence from it.

The revelation largely surrounds God protecting me. I'm not by any means saying God broke my leg, but he did allow my broken leg to prevent my attending church services and activities while the trauma of a family being torn occurred. I believe, being a babe in Christ, God may have felt it in the best interest of keeping and continuing my faith that I not be exposed to watching those I love and have trusted tearing each other apart. Perhaps my faith would have been destroyed were I to witness this day after day. Though I like to believe I am strong I know I am a lamb.

Yet I find myself day after day, hour after hour ministering to those who come to minister to me. Each time my door opens I pray for Christ to use me to spread his word and love. I also pray for his protection because not all who come are sheep, which was a short lived but hard learned lesson. I pray for my ears to hear and to be careful how they hear. I pray most of all for Jesus to keep my big mouth shut unless he has something to say. I've learned this is not a time to do a lot of talking.

My strength during the past forty-seven days has been scripture. Three passages in particular have carried me and kept me focused on God's plan for me; Romans 16:17, James 1:2-4, and Psalm 3:1. Discernment, perseverance and faith, the three revealed lessons for me. I'm richly blessed to have time morning and night to reflect on the events of my day and to see where my life fits into this scripture. Psalm 1 has taken on extraordinarily deep meaning to me, and I got a quiet laugh when I realized God made it be the First Psalm for good reason.

Now, those are all the puffing-myself-up aspects of my time of imprisonment. Yep, that's what I said, imprisonment. Humility has come in unpleasant doses when I think of Paul, because I've begun to see his plight from a new set of eyes. How lightly I have taken the depths of abuses, neglect and challenges to his faith he faced! I've had but a drop of the medicine he endured for Christ and many days I have been dropped to my knees. Several times I've just melted down. As a result I have given myself over to God at deeper levels than before, of course experiencing the joy of grace and salvation at new levels.

I've come to see myself as a Missionary Inmate on a mission from God rather than a prisoner of circumstance, including what is happening to our church body. This is a test not only for you, the deacons and the faithful, it is a test of my faith as well. I have a place in this puzzle. I could (and have considered) not returning to church. I don't want to live in dissension. There are other churches that act prettier and I could go to those. But missionaries often go years without seeing conversions and they persevere. I asked myself what kind of Christian am I if I walk away from my shepherd just because there is dissension in the flock. I am, and can continue to be a light in the church. This is a test and I am being grown, even if from my bed, and I am a light for those who come to serve me. I've learned that's what being a Christian is really about, serving.

Perhaps you wonder why I am telling you all this, after all it is a fairly personal experience. It is my testimony of how God has used me for his purposes even when I have believed I had no purpose. My service to our Lord has been for a far greater means than I could have chosen. It is no mistake many who have cared for me came. God used me to be a sounding board, mirror, and healer for some confusions and hurts people have felt. I also share this testimony because you are one of my shepherds and it's on my heart to say you have greatly impacted my being stretched and grown during my walk with Christ.

I've prayed often for the Lord to lay strength and courage before you. With nearly three hundred sheep pushing you to a cliff I have only been able to imagine the disillusionment, hurt and uncertainty you have experienced during this attack. I've experienced some myself, as I said, not all who have come to my door have been sheep. Wolf hair has been shed here and I've had to pray for God to clean up a few messes.

It seems odd and feels weird in a way to say to a Pastor, "I've got your back" but only because in our church so few dare speak this way. Your higher calling however doesn't make you any less human or any less in need of prayer from your Brothers and Sisters in Christ. Many seem to miss that fact. Though young in Christ (1 Tim. 4:12-16) I am an example of a believer. I will continue to love out loud and make noise with my faith. This is my testimony, Mark. I'm blessed by you and blessed to share it with you.