WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? in THE REALITY SOAP: AFTER DAD'S FUNERAL

"Where do we go from here?"

Don't you hate that question? It often sounds like a goodbye. You ask that when you're not sure whether you're still going to see that person - or people - again.

Or, you're not sure whether you're still going to be around for them. Well, even if you are, you're not sure how long you'll stay.

Kind of sad, huh? Sorry for being a bit melodramatic here, but it's just the truth. These days, anything can happen. We never really know.

And no, this doesn't always have to do with death.

Last Saturday, I had to miss my friend Avin's singing performance because I'd been exhausted from teaching all day. I went straight home instead, hugging my two nephews and baby niece. Hanging out with Ma, having dinner with her at our favourite small diner next door. Listening to my all-time favourite rock frequency on 95.1 Kis FM Jakarta until I fell asleep.

All the things I haven't done in a very long time.

I didn't go anywhere last Sunday; I was still too tired.

Should I stay or should I go? I guess I'll have to carry on while waiting for the signs to know.

"I'm going to miss you so much, D."

"What? Don't talk like that. We're still going to keep in touch."

I know that, D. Still, it's not going to be the same without you here...

I also talked about D with Tony B last week. He said:"He's a nice boy and I know that you two have developed a bond, but that boy's work performance is just all over the place."

We both had giggled at that. Then Tony B, being the greatest and quietest observer I know, added:

"Poor Janey. I think it's going to be much harder on her, although it's obvious that he means more to her than she does to him."

"Yeah." I smiled sadly. Janey and I had cried together after D had told us the exact date of his departure: June 27. That'll be the very first day of Ramadan this year.

I'm older and much stronger to move on; D's only like a baby brother to me. Janey's a different story. She's 21 and still naive. She still believes that love shall conquer all obstacles - and that he feels the same way too for her.

In reality? We all know better. The two may have lived together and tried to hide it - to no avail - from the rest of the world, but...let's just face it, shall we? D has been one of my good, supportive friends - but he's still aiming for fun, not looking for something steady and serious.

He still has no idea what he really, really wants in his life. Does he like her? Obviously. Does he care about her? Hmm, maybe - to some extent.

Does he love her? That's a very good question.

"I'm planning to catch up with him there, probably getting a Ph.D myself."

Good luck, Janey. I really hope for your happiness, with or without him. You're a good girl.

Maybe I'm just a crude skeptic who don't know anything, but no decent girl should go to college abroad only because she wants to go after some guy. Worst of all, the guy might not think of her that much.

"Dude, be nice to her. She's been patient with you."

"I know." D had grinned rather sheepishly with me. "I don't know why she puts up with me."

It's because she's madly in love with you and you're just being a dork!

Oh, well. We'll see.

R.