Depleted. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I signed up to pick up toys and a food box for this morning. I of course have to take my daughter with me because there’s no babysitter. We waited in line for almost 2 hours until it’s our turn. We start to go in the back to pick out toys and some lady working in there starts throwing a fit because apparently kids aren’t allowed back there. I let them know that I wasn’t the only single Mom there with offspring and if they don’t like it then they should get ahold of the Dad’s that refuse to step up and help with their children! I’m doing what I’m supposed to do for my child and still get heat for it!

I even asked my brother if he could come get her and of course he wouldn’t so once again, I’m all on my own. I am just so fucking sick of not having help when it’s needed. I’m owed thousands in CS and just wanted to get some help with Christmas gifts.

I’m also upset to hear that the CTC probably won’t be extended and I was really hoping it would to help offset the cost of childcare so I can get my ass back to work. I’ll never be able to afford to pay someone $12-$15/hr to watch my daughter. Everyone here is expecting way too much money and that’s why there’s so many people on welfare. I see so many news articles about this on Facebook and the comments saying, “get a job” uh ok well if you don’t have safe, reliable and affordable childcare what in the fuck are you supposed to do?! Just work so that you can pay someone to take care of you kid?!?!?!?!?

So now that I’ve bought Christmas gifts for my daughter and got some extra, I’d like to do something for myself but again, there’s no babysitter. I just feel like I’m missing out on life because I’m a single Mom. I love my daughter and truly enjoy being with her but on the rare times I’d like a sitter for even an hour or two, there’s no one to help. My Mom helps some but it’s few and far between. I’m grateful for her though because she’s helped so that I at least have an idea of what a break is.

My Mom isn’t coming this weekend because it’s Christmas and won’t come for New Year’s because she doesn’t feel like it. I really wanted to maybe get to do something fun for a little bit but I won’t get to. I have yet to go out on New Year’s since becoming a Mom while SD posts on filthy websites trying to find a hole saying how he doesn’t have anything better to do. Lovely.

It’s really hard to not let this stuff get me down sometimes. I pour everything into my daughter physically, emotionally, financially and at the end of the day, it feels like it still isn’t enough. I feel like a failure most of the time. I never thought things would be like this and I try very hard to make the best of it but sometimes, I just have to let the tears fall and feel what I feel.

I would really like to start some kind of movement where deadbeats are actually held accountable and the Mom’s are actually recognized for being parents. I’m just so tired of the hell I catch all the time because my kid doesn’t have a Dad and no matter what I do, it’s never enough or I’m getting my head bit off over stuff that’s out of my control!