Esoteric Mumbo Jumbo in Current Events

This reading felt accurate. I didn’t watch the entire reading because I fell asleep. If it doesn’t resonate with you don’t make it fit your story. The reverse can also be true. That is the disclaimer he always opens with. The finances part of what he says here blew my mind. Those are exactly the situations I am in. Then what he had to say about opening up to the idea of love… girl! Stop! Get out of my head.

He said something else that resonated with me. I have gone through hell the last few years. I was in crisis after crisis, growing a nervous breakdown or breakthrough. It was sink or swim and I can feel that this is not behind me but nobody knows how I did it. I don’t even know how I did it. My hair is still falling out. He mentioned something else that resonated with me. I can see that Toni has been looking up to me, John at work also. My world is pretty small right now but that is because I changed and outgrew the majority of my friendships. Leanne, my Scorpio friend, naturally is loyal and embraced every change I made about my character. Leanne, Bev, and Toni are the only ones who stuck around. I need to connect to gratitude ASAP! I especially need to work on the context I give my relationship with Toni. I am feeling like I am assigning her the role of villain. I was just thinking about this yesterday, how I always create a bad guy so that I can play a victim. It’s so much easier playing the victim than accepting responsibility.

Previously, there was talk of a betrayal from all astrologers and tarot readers for Capricorn coming up. Something to that effect at least. I feel like it reversed and I betrayed someone. John, at work, is spiraling during these revelations about this hoax pandemic and the revelations about the world and just everything. He is stuck on the pandemic though. He has never stood for anything before, he is stuck between a rock and a hard place. In his fragile little world, everybody thinks that he is vaccinated. He doesn’t want to live a lie so he wants to cave before everyone figures out the truth and ends their friendship with him. His daughter is also getting married in April and he requires a QR code to attend. I see an opportunity for him to grow by losing the weeds in his life. That’s just my Saturn energy though. It will hurt but it is okay to move on. Anyways, the betrayal. I mentioned to my boss that John talks out loud about his stance on this polarizing issue when customers are an earshot away. Some of his rhetoric is about how stupid they are, those who took the vaccine. I only eluded to what the topic was about but I didn’t feel good after telling her that. It’s better he hears it from our supervisor than from the store manager. I am trying to look out for him because he is putting his foot in his mouth. What makes me feel dirty is the fact that everybody else, including people in management, has the same rhetoric against the medical heretics. They say more vile and profane things than John does. I feel guilty for this for some reason. It was too impulsive, it wasn’t thought out the way I overthink everything else.

Today I am going to fast. I am also going to do a coffee enema. I’m an hour away from Toni leaving for work and I can finally be alone in the world which is all I want in life. I just need time and space where I don’t have to be mindful of anyone else. I really need to reflect, as I always say and then never do. That is my Taurus energy, my ascendant. I’ve pushed through a lot of the negative aspects of being a Capricorn but I am at constant war with myself still. This is because I have ambitions but I am also stubborn to change and adapt. I trap myself in the mentality of waiting to feel like it. I only want to do the things I feel like doing when I feel like doing it. I’m never going to feel like it. I’m not as bad with this as Toni, she is a Taurus. We can have the exact same conversation about her dramas and upsets every few months and she will never change and never take advice and insist that she can do things her way which is exactly the problem. I can relate to that because that was my problem before I started my self-improvement journey.

Therapist: * So what brings Thomas here? What does he want from these sessions?
Me: I don’t know. I am the best I’ve ever been. My finances have never been better. My health has never been better. My fitness has never been better. My relationships have never been better. My career has never been better. I still feel stuck.*

That was in 2019 I believe. Right after he ended his practice, everything fell apart. It was in my horoscope. These last few years have been the most intense years of my life. I was forced to do a lot of growing. That would be Saturn, he removed everything that I said was the best it had ever been, and then I discovered what I truly had and who I am truly am. Saturn has a bad reputation for that. Literally puts you through it to force you to expand. Want wisdom? He will give you problems to solve. Want strength? He will crush you. Jupiter will show you where the universe will open up for you and double down. I can see that I am on the right path but I am moving at a glacial pace. I have a lot of personal shadow work to do still. Direction is still unclear but I can access the higher mind with my own tarot readings and such. All the while, still work to become a singularity with it. Now that I understand what that witchy stuff actually is. It’s all science. In this case, psychology more or less.

Blah, whatever. I need to start moving on with my day. I’m just impatiently waiting for Toni to leave. Story of my Sundays. I suspect that I do this on my Saturdays as well. I feel like I am laying in bed all day waiting for 10 am Sunday. I’ll probably do more esoteric studying. I fell asleep to a presentation yesterday and woke up at the most epic line about the ego being envious of God. That is the part of us that most of us identify with. It is the carnal mind, the lower consciousness. It wants to be like God, omnipotent and in control. What plagues us is tradition, we create a false sense of control and cleave to it. That is the ego. That is my innerstanding. I’m learning to listen to my inner guidance so that I can let go and let God. So to speak. When spirit says go left I will go left. That sort of thing. The signs are getting clearer but I am still in the eye of the storm until Venus enters Capricorn, allegedly. On the 19th she is in retrograde and we will be having a case of the ex. Either people, places, things or situations will return for completion. So they say, of course, the opposite can be true. Bruce, her last few years were the best years of her life. She is also a Capricorn. Then Jupiter enters Capricorn, these are supposed to be the golden years for Capricorns to start manifesting. We are where we are because of what we put in our past, we need to be conscious about what we put into the present so we can manifest what we need to manifest for the future.

There was a Capricorn astrologer I stumbled upon yesterday. Online of course. I was wondering if there were any. I don’t think of mysticism when I think of Capricorn. I don’t like the spiritual woo-woo that people present this science as. It isn’t palatable for me. My birth chart is heavy with earth signs so that makes sense. This sphere of influence is where the cosmos will double-down for me. I just need to try and stay on this path. My Saturn placement lets me push through paradigms with ease. My emotions and instincts and intuition are all tied together also, it’s like having a shortcut for discernment. Discernment is not intrinsic, it is developable but I am working on it. What I need to work on is listening to my inner guidance. I know what it wants but I am resisting, still. It wants me way out of my comfort zone. To give wisdom and truth to people who do not want it. Who demon worship, which is just self-service. God worship is just to serve others. Whatever, Toni will be leaving shortly I am basically giddy. I am the opposite of a person who suffers from loneliness.