Reflecter - 30.09.13 in Your Face

I wonder if this is how M felt for over 3 years: completely reliant on the actions of someone else, having no control over your own future.

Pretty good day at work today. Busy. I was useful. I am finally being able to back away and to allow the new me to take more on. It will still be a shock when I leave, she knows nothing and doesn't have enough common sense. She's smart enough, but it does no good to have riches if you keep them behind a locked door. Oh well. Make or break time will come.

I have lost enthusiasm for my walks. I have been applying for free gym passes for the various gyms in town, so I guess I'll take a few classes over the next few weeks. I think I felt depressed at not seeing the scale budge at all - not up, not down - that I felt like it was making no difference. I realise that walking (with a tiny bit of jogging) doesn't exactly strip the fat off, but as someone who hadn't exercised in years, I expected to see something after 3 weeks. Not even an inch.

Whinge, whinge, whinge.

My sister asked if I wanted to stay at her house over the long weekend while she and Gerard are away. Uh, shit yes? Their dog needs feeding and their garden needs watering. Too easy. Plus, I get a whole weekend away from the nuthouse. What a relief! Peace and quiet, I can shower and shit and eat and sleep when I like. Imagine that.

Today I dug my degree out of the dusty corner of my desk that it had bee stuffed in, jammed between a set of pigeon holes and a desk partition. I never do anything with it because I am waiting until I finish this degree and I'm in the US so I can get them framed. But I worked hard for that. It was awarded 4 years ago, isn't that scary? I am proud of it. I want the world to know I have it. I realise that these days degrees are a dime a dozen, but mine represents overcoming hard times, succeeding at something people thought I couldn't do, at finding out that the decision I made was a good one. I did this, no one else. I owe credit to nobody for this.

What is there to look forward to right now? Nachos with friends on Wednesday night. Housesitting on the weekend.

What am I not looking forward to? Pay day - bills to pay. Friday, having to try and sincerely bid farewell to a lazy co-worker who is changing firms.