The quiet desperation in Journal

Of middle age…
I would consider middle age to be mid 40s to perhaps mid 60s. MIL died at just turned 61.
I remember 3 years ago now, we were on vacation together. FIL said to MIL as they were retiring for the night, “I love you”. And MIL made a short “Mm-hm.” Noise. “What does that mean?” He asked her, plaintive. No answer.
It’s the moments that make me wonder what people are actually experiencing. He asked her what was wrong, or at least what she meant. Why didn’t she respond? Imo it’s an act of aggression to withhold, be negative, or generally refuse affection in a marriage. What caused her that level of passive aggression towards someone who cares about her deeply, and moreover whom she vowed to love? It is these little moments that make up our lives… And when I think back on that one, I shudder to think that it might just be representative of most of her moments.
I’ve gotten more sympathy calls and texts than I can count. It’s weird. People always say they’re very sad for me, or us, but never ask how I feel. I feel awkward saying something like “thank you for your thoughtful note, I appreciate it,” and then if they really insist on doing something else, “no really, we’re doing just great. We really are fine.”
I look at people who grieve so extremely with perplexity. I took some time-a couple years ago now- to really get personal and vulnerable with MIL. I did. I expressed myself. I laid out my thoughts and feelings. I was concerned. I wanted certain things and I didn’t want other things. Now I’m not correct on all or even most of these things. But I don’t need to be correct to express how I feel, and to be addressed as a person. But MIL did not respond with care, nor concern, nor any curiosity. She was defensive, she was negative, judgemental, and name calling. So I have total closure on that. There is no magical could’ve been relationship, or future.
I feel like people who grieve like that- the extreme kind that go on for years and it’s just never ending- they refused to really know the person. Or they only knew an idealized dream. And now all hope of having that dream come true is gone. And every part of them that sadly stayed silent, that gave in to self erasure, that conformed to comfortable expectation, has no recourse. All those parts of them died with that person. For nothing.