Hey Jay in Phoenix Rises Again

Remember when you used to steal my diary and read it? When you used to watch me? When you used to want to know every little thing happening in my life? When you couldn’t get enough of me?

I wish that obsession never ended. I wish you were reading this now. Then you’d know that I really want to talk to you right now. You’d know I’m going through some shit. And you’d reach out in your own special way to try to help.

And you’d see my tears right now, revel in them and then make them go away.

I wish you would hug me, for a long time. Never let go of me. Hold all the broken pieces together.

I wish I could see you right now. Talk to you. Maybe have you laying here next to me telling me about anything and everything that crossed your mind. Giving me your little nuggets of wisdom and positivity.

I never understood how you were always so happy to see me. Before you introduced yourself I remember that you always looked miserable and I didn’t understand why.

I remember how cute you were as a kid.

And how I always saw you as a kid.

Until I didn’t anymore.

I wish I had kept the note you wrote me. And that I had my yearbooks back. Will you please give them back? Will you take a picture with me? Will you write me a note? I just want a little piece of you to carry around in my pocket. So I can feel your presence with me when I’m afraid. Like in the dreams. Will you wipe away my tears?

No.

No point in asking these thongs at all. You aren’t there anymore. You aren’t reading my diary and watching me and hanging on every word. You are simply gone. And after so long I dont know how to live without your obsession. It’s become me own perhaps.

Wish you were here.

Love you.