warning label in poetry

Life (ergosum evanscentium) is not for everyone. Side effects made include: heartbreak of the psoriasis, heartbreak, mood swings, sleepless nights, brief fits of euphoria, anxiety, depression, your knees hurting more as you get older, diarrhea, explosive diarrhea, regular old explosions, mood swings, regrets, the beer shits (a.k.a. fecal alcohol syndrome), loneliness, existential dread, white people dreadlocks, existential dreadlocks, children, grandchildren, anal leakage, knowing someone who got into cryptocurrencies and will not shut the fuck up about it, head-aches, back aches, front aches, side aches, the dreaded under-aches, increased libido, decreased libido, mood swings, nagging doubts, doubting nags, hope, love, disappointment, joy, mood swings and death.

Ask your doctor before starting Life or before starting it for anyone else, for God’s sake, this is such a goddamned burden and wonder at once, really think it through. Maybe just use a rubber, Steve. Yes, you, Steve, reading this. Consider wrapping it up, buddy. Talk to your doctor before any changes to your medications. Alcohol abuse may intensify the effects of Life but shorten the duration of Life. Better off just smoking a joint, unless that gives you the hibbley-jibblies. Do not operate heavy machinery unless you have a really good union, even if they are in with the mafia, the mob treats people better than big business these days, lesser of two evils and all that. Talk to your priest, rabbi, imam, therapist or weird friend with all the crystals before discontinuing Life. Life sucks but there is a strong possibility that whatever comes next is even worse than this mess.

Do not take other peoples’ Life. That’s theirs, for God’s sake, their dose might kill your ass dead.