food note in Second 1st

Just a note .... sometimes I find myself strange.... like, I’m fat.... I’ve been big my whole life, I like food.... yet till I moved out of my family home I was poor there was a period between 16 and 18 where my mom thought I was anorexic because she never saw me eat, no lie. She had actually confronted me and made me eat some food in front of her before I went to work one day. I’m 320lbs. right now.... I’d love to lose but doc says “eat at the same time everyday”.... to help with the migraines.... and when I don’t I can tell.... dizzy quicker when doing things if not a full out head throb.... I feel like I’m eating all the time honestly....... That being said… with trying to make to cookies and the runner convo via messenger I forgot to eat breakfast.... I tell Rocky I do this, it just happens, if I don’t make it a point on a to do list (mental or written) I just won’t eat. I don’t even get hungry if I’m just doing stuff. He doesn’t believe me because he says he’s never seen it.

I didn’t realize I hadn’t eaten till I ate an ugly cookie. I got up at 2:45ish this morning.... I’d eaten that cookie at about 9:50.... still not actually hungry but I grabbed a piece of garlic bread from leftover we had last night with lasagna. Being as it’s already 10:20 I’ll wait till Rocky gets up to eat anything else....

I understand that honestly the fact that I had a cookie and a piece of garlic bread is probably the answer to how I stay fact but.... I could eat rabbit food every meal for a month and not lose anything.

3rd entry today, for no reason at all..... should probably go do something productive…