Reach Up For the Sunrise in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

I should really get to bed. It's only 10:30 but that's extremely late for me. For whatever reason, I got sucked into a spiral of 90s country music and got started on my homework a bit late.

I'm sorry, but Strawberry Wine will occupy me for at least 45 minutes because I have to put that song on repeat and cry about 7th grade all over again.

I tried to wish my mother a Happy Mother's Day but she wasn't having it. I think that ship has sailed... the "ship" being my being nice to my mother. Everyone thinks that I hate her a lot more than I actually do. I don't hate her... especially when I'm hundreds of miles away from her... I just wish she wasn't so unhappy with her life because that makes her want to make everyone around her unhappy with theirs.

I have finally accepted that I am not a night person. It was an epiphany that happened while I was sick because I kept going to sleep at "crazy hours" and once I got well, I realized that those aren't my crazy hours, those are just the hours in which I was meant to sleep. I'm a morning person. I love getting up early. I don't need coffee. I don't need soda. I don't need anything accept the peace of being the only person awake.

I think that has always been the solace I found in being awake in the mornings. I have time to charge my mind and body before having to go out into the world and deal with the myriad of idiots that infest it.

I have pretty much quit drinking and smoking. It wasn't something big like "I'm going to stop tomorrow because I want to improve my life..." I just haven't had the desire to smoke or drink... I had a beer on Sunday and a puff of a cigarette, but both left me with a horrible taste in my mouth. When I was younger, I really despised alcohol. I considered it a very dangerous drug... but then I turned 21 and stopped caring so much. And smoking all started because of church. That was 10 years ago.

Oh well, if I don't smoke, I don't smoke. If I do, I do. I'm not wrapped up on it. I think that's what makes people unable to quit habits they've formed, they focus so much on quitting and really if you just focus your attention elsewhere, the thing you were doing habitually becomes something you no longer have time for. This is not taking into account serious things like addiction, but I think you know what I mean.

I don't really have anything else to say, but I felt like I should update since I wrote two "things I'm grateful for" entries last week but no "life update." I was a little worried when I wrote BJ because I was concerned that someone thought I was grateful for blow-jobs and that was CLEARLY not where my heart was at when I wrote that.

Oh well... sometimes things just take on a life of their own.