day one/day two in poetry

I called it day one the day
I woke up and remembered
in mansions and free clinics
with psychics and with cynics
I've seen a small slice of
most things on this Earth
except for war and giving birth
and though I am a man
that second one's more likely
I've stuck my feet into the waves
at Venice Beach and Rockaway
and the Mediterranean Sea
and all of these things
are part of me

I looked in the mirror and
for the first time in a long time
didn't see a flabby failure
I saw something dark and weird yes
but also overflowing with potential
that's not inevitable or eventual
but something also real and true
the risk in forgiving myself the past
is that it makes me responsible
for my own future and
that's scary but I do

so yes I forgive myself the past and
accept the responsibility
for the future that comes with that
despite all the pressure to just give up

the first step is
to stop living in a wind tunnel
of other peoples' thoughts and
allow myself the peace of my own
who am I in my own eyes
who am I when I'm alone
who am I outside everyone's
presumptions and expectations
when I know that
what will I do?

I'm giving up on giving up
I'm giving up on giving up
I've given up on giving up and
I'm calling it day two