SeptemboMo Day 9 in SeptemboMo

Describe your personality

Scattered.
Every room’s a different me.
Every song’s a reverie.

I wish I could hold and maintain the parts I like, but they only happen in small pockets.
I wish I could live like that every day, instead of being presentable, sociable, likable only in passing, so carefully planned out.

I speak 3 languages, I am vastly knowledgeable in random crap, I wish my confidence and personality reflected the voices in my head, instead of always being either defensive or completely not giving a fuck.

Its difficult to explain that I can’t get decent sleep because I keep getting jolted back to being wake, having to rush to my sick father’s room to check if he’s doing ok, only to remember he passed away years ago.
Still can’t sleep in a linear cycle. Having to workout before sleep so I’m dead tired only leaves to more exhaustion.

My area was hit with multiple months long lockdowns, which meant zero traffic, no open shops for miles. I was not ready for this desolate silence, this destitute of echoes, I couldn’t believe life could be this silent around me.

Now that life is back, there’s cars on the roads and shops all night, its loud and I despise every moment of it. This rude awakening is not a welcoming one.

I love vintage autobiographies, probably because a time before the advent of tv and radio technology, the analog times were more interpersonal, adventures were selfish, without broadcasting every living moment of your life to everyone.

I used to be a great listener, paying attention, being compassionate. Now I feel like I’m doing it all wrong, because I can’t relate or be kind anymore.

I invest heavily in comforts. An idea that I should have learned decades ago. At work, I have huge boxes full of stuff I need, at home I’ve invested in making my room as comfortable as possible. Any fool can make themselves uncomfortable.

I buy candies / toffees / cookies anything foreign or new I see for everyone around me. I grew up not having a lot of things, missing out on so many delights. I don’t want anyone around me to miss out on anything, not while I’m around. They call me santa at work. Only if they knew why I do it.

The complete absence of any self-worth can actually make you curious about so many niche hobbies, mostly because I refuse to partake in anything that has a large cult like fan following. It shouldn’t be a competition to be the biggest fan, it shouldn’t be a chore to enjoy something.
I have no great aim in life, no grandiose ambitions. I just want to go around, doing things I want, be happy and be content with my decisions. You should find another hero.