Charlie & the chocolate factory in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

Charlie & The Chocolate Factory - 9/7/2005

        There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her sleeping someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She sat on the bed and spread open her legs. She got the voodoo dick out and laid it on the bed right in front of her, and said just as her husband has told her: "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" . The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

God, when did I write last?  It seems so much has happened and I dunno what I've written and what I haven't!  Hmm guess I'll start with today and go all over the place, like I usually do :)

Well I didn't go to work today.  hangs head in shame  Yes, you heard me, I didn't go.  Not cos I didn't want to (well that to), but cos I'm sick at the moment.  Not too sick, but with me working in freezers day in and out, it's probably not good for me.  My voice has been really deep the last few days.  Kind of like Barry White meets Macy Gray, if you can get an idea from that ;)  Yeah, so deep and croaky, I just want it to go away.  I've been trying to eat so much healthy stuff, i'm eating so many oranges for Vitamin C and strawberries cos I absolutely LOVE them, and I'm eating proper meals at night instead of the cheap-once-you're-out-of-home-that's-all-you-can-afford snacks.  Tonight I'm going to cook Chipolato's.  Probably didn't spell that right but hey.  I went shopping before with the intention of coming back with strawberries and banana's (hehe, yes gay boys I know what you're thinking and get your minds out of the gutter :P), but I ended up coming back with those items and well as the Suddenly 30 and Legally Blonde 1 & 2 movies.  They were on special at Big W!  Couldn't go past that.  Hehe, I remember I saw Suddenly 30 at the movies with my ex, and I was BAWLING my eyes out.  Like literally.  And I honestly/stupidly turned to him and said, 'don't you realise how much that movie relates to us two!?' - gosh I was a mess, and me saying that gave him the idea he might have another chance with me.  It's not what I meant.  I just meant how if things had turned out different, and the timing had ben different, AND a whole heap of other things, then we might be in a better situation than we are today.  He's a great friend though.  He seems to be settling down a bit.  So yeah, point of me taking today off work, is cos I'm sick.  Luke suggested I should take the day off and relax, and whilst I was having my shower in the hot water rubbing up my hot naked body (tongue poke J/K!), getting ready for work, I thought about it.  Yesterday I barely made it through.  it was only a half day, but God my voice was really deep then too.  It still hasn't improved much, kind of at the stage where I might be near losing it.  I dunno why it's happened.  I just woke up yesterday with it.  Got through work though, and rang work when I got out of the shower.  Damien hadn't started yet, so Dan answered and he said that was cool, and he'd see me tomorrow.  I doubt I'll get paid for it though as I don't have a doctor's certificate, but hey what's the point if you've gotta fork out $60 so bucks for that anyway!  God it's such a rip.  Oh well I guess there's a price for a life. 

Last night.  Here we go.  I met up with him.  Wow, I was on the train on the way in and we were messaging each other the whole way.  I met him at the ticket machine's at Central station.  As I was waiting for him, I saw this one guy dancing his way toward me with a bunch of girls - musta been about 10 of them hey!  I thought I recognised him!  As he got closer, he recognised me, and was like 'hey!'.  His name is Jimmy, and he's been a friend of mine for a while.  Last time I really got to hang out with him was when I gave him a lift to Toowoomba to his sisters place.  We used to talk on the phone ALL the time and he's so entertaining, but lately he hasn't called me at all, which sucks, but hey I figure he's off doing his own thing.  So seeing him last night was awesome!  He introduced me to all the girls, and they were carrying these weird proding things, and all of em kept prodding me with them.  Haha, I felt special!  He asked what I was doing here, and I thought it weird he was going out on a Tuesday night, but hey whatever lol.  I've always respected the guy, I think he's awesome.  I said i was meeting up with a friend.  Jimmy said he and the girls were all going out to the Stock Exchange for drinks, and that I should come out after with them.  I thanked them for their offer!  I knew I wouldn't be though.  About 1 minute to 30 seconds later, he came through the turntables and sat on a chair, and pulled out his phone.  I figured that was him.  I looked away and took a deep breath, mumbling to myself, "here goes...", and I looked at him and smiled.  It was slightly awkward I guess you could say.  But it wasn't.  I just nervously started rambling on about whatever I could, joking around with him, and he's quite a talkative person.  We walked to the movies at Southbank there.  I had prebooked the tickets online (an idea I got from another OD'er on here, thanks!),  so it was easy when we got there.  We had to wait half an hour, so we sat on the floor in the foyer and talked to each other til we had to go in.  That's when I got my first good look at him.  His voice was different to what i expected.  But it is a cool voice!  I really enjoy listening to him.  He has gorgeous hair and eyes I remember from webcam.  He's got an intelligent personality, and rattled off a bit of pop culture to my naive ears.  I certainly learnt a lot from him that night, especially about London and his experience at the Garbage concert over there.  He spent so much money there, and did the trip there and back all by himself, knowing two whole people in London before he got there.  God, that's brave.  I mean, I know I did Melbourne knowing no-one, but London!?  GOD.  He said it was a 26 hour flight with 3 stop-overs.  I'm so genuinely interested in what he has to say hey.  And yeh, I still hold true to my statement of thinking he's cute.  Now you can imagine how I felt.  I tried to make myself look half decent for the night, but I met up with him with my really deep voice.  I think that was the first thing I said to him and what broke the ice, "This isn't really my voice, just so you know!".  God it was embarrassing.  I nearly cancelled on the guy cos I thought I would be too sick and the cold air would do me no good, but there was no way I could do that to a guy I really wanted to meet, and who has done so much to help me in my home situation and stuff, just by being there.  I really respect guys like that.  He's one of them.

We saw Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.  Now I must say, I did really enjoy it.  It's a movie that I would have to own once it comes out on DVD.  I thoroughly enjoyed it!  It was good we saw a movie on a first meeting, cos I was scared of running out of conversation, which I tend to do.  We only had a few awkward silences.  I found myself checking him out in the movie.  God I feel so bad saying that cos he's such an awesome guy, but I think I hid it pretty well.  He was wearing his cool blue shirt he bought in London.  I loved the movie.  After the movie, we walked back to the train station.  I said that it would be easier for him to catch the train from Southbank station back home to Cleveland, but he said he'd walk with me back to Central.  It was so embarrassing, I was so busting to go to the bathroom, so I was walking so fast!  We made it to Central, only to realise my final Caboolture service was leaving in 6 minutes!  There went the plans for the bathroom!  I had to hold on.  Phew thank God I'd be sitting down.  My train was waiting as we decended the esculators.  I thanked him for the fun night, and for the first time that night, we had human contact.  I leant in to hug him goodbye, and he did the same.  That was nice.  He's so sweet.  As I was getting on the train and goes to me, 'you were suppose to jump up!'.  hahahahaha.

There was this guy sitting against the pole and I sat down in the seat next to the doors, and he went back up the esculators to catch his train.  He had to wait like 20 minutes for his!.  This other dude leaning against the pole, was just sitting there, and he smiled shyly when our eyes made contact.  How strange.  He was a cutie, and in my opinion, obviously gay.  I shifted my eyes away and only made contact a few times when he wasn't looking at me.  It's like I wanted to know, to see if he was.  To see if he'd look at me.  I mean if he did once, he might again.  Anyway, finally the train doors closed and as the train took off, I looked out the window to see him looking directly at me again, but more of a grin.  As the train pulled away, I said to myself "I knew it!".  No idea who he was and won't see him again, but I don't think that's happened before.  He probably knew I was gay cos he heard him say what he did haha.  Oh well, nothing wrong with innocent checking out :)

The train ride home I was thinking of msging him but I didn't wanna appear too clingy.  I mean I already thought that.  I did message him, right at the same time he messaged me, wishing me a safe trip home, and that he'd had a fun night.  I really hope he did and that he wasn't just being nice, but then again from what I know of him, he's a pretty decent guy.  I'm really doubting anything more than a friendship with him, as much as I'd like, but that's definitely a good thing cos he'd be an awesome mate to have.  I kind of see myself and him maybe one day being travel companions.  Can't wait for the Garbage concert.  I'll see him there again too.  He'll be front row centre as he is their hugest fan haha.  Like literally.  Thats why he went to London!  To see them!  Now they are coming here!  I'm actually excited about it now.  It looks like my seat will be half decent too.  He reckons it sucks that it's a seated concert, cos he wants to get up and mosh.  I would too!  He told me to wait before buying a CD, cos they have a new one coming out soon that is a DVD as well.  Glad I waited.  He's a smart one. 

Today had been okay.  Played tennis with Luke for the first time in ages. That was cool.  Slept a little bit.  God I hope I'm better soon.  I don't like the idea of losing money by not being at work.  I need it, especially after I was the nice son, and gave my mum $400 cos she asked for it.  I was relenting to give it to her, cos I think it sucks she doesn't want to hear anything about my life, but I did.  She actually asked for $500, and rang me from a number I didn't recognise, so I answered it.  It was her.  DAMN I was thinking.  She was wondering why I hadn't transferred the money when I told her I would.  I made up an excuse that I had to make a car payment and pay rent (which was true, but still an excuse).  I felt sooooo bad.  I told Luke about it and he goes, 'If my mum asked for $500, I'd give it to her straight away...but I guess your situation may be a little different.'  I felt like saying 'yeh, but your relationship with your mum is a little different to mine', but I didn't.  Kept it to myself as usual.  So yeh I transferred the money yesterday.  She'd better be happy.  That's my money, going to waste I think.  But at least she's happy.  Plus she's doing this completely behinmd dad's back, he has no idea.  I'm the poor son, I'm the black sheep.  I have 3 other siblings, why not them?  At least they are perfect and are gunna give you grandchildren!  See I'm way too nice for my own good.  It sucks sometimes.  Now I gotta struggle through the next week with my bank balance in the low.  I should stop complaining.  Just this morning I was talking to Luke about it, how I did transfer it, and told him it's like whenever I talk to my mum, it's always about my other siblings - like 'hows Julie, how's Brendan and the kids, how's Craig?'.  The only thing she asks about me is how work's going.  So because of that our conversations are usually quite limited.  sigh.  Luke goes to me, 'they are going to regret that one day'.  Yeah, maybe when I'd dead and they are reading this diary.  Hope she's happy and has the money.  I don't expect to get it back.  So far that's $500 to Luke and $500 to mum.  One grand of money out of my generosity, to the one's I love, or in Luke's case, loved.  I still care about him.  Of course I do.  Things are just way different now.  God I haven't had sex in so long now hahaha.  Had an awesome jack off session this morning though, God it was good hehe.   The imagination is an awesome thing - some of the fantasies I come up with, wow, I surprise myself.

On that ending, I'll leave.  Like I say on the front page, don't like my writing, read elsewhere :) I've so gotta take some more photo's of myself.  So much more has happened, but I'm not sure if I've previously mentioned it.  Oh well.  Mwah!  Love you guys.

Edit: Turns out I hadn't - I went on a long drive on Monday, ended up in Dayboro - It's an interesting little town.  Musta been after I wrote my entry.  It was so cool - for the first time ever, I had to stop on the highway to allow a duck and her ducklings to cross!!  They were SOOOOO cute!  I thought that only happened in movies! hahaha.

Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------

Aww cute little ducklings haha...aww I once had a duck come in my tent.:P [Akourah Lilly] 9/7/2005 6:00:27 AM

Hey Matt I hope you start feeling better here real soon. Maybe that jack off session wil help. LOL

Much love,

Ben [Taste The Rain Bow] 9/7/2005 6:53:32 AM

Barry White meets Macy Gray. I'd love to hear what that sounds like. Hope you're feeling better.

RYN: Thanks, I didn't do all of the layout stuff on MySpace though. Had a friend do it. :) [Sex Hound] 9/7/2005 9:17:48 AM

RYN: Yeah...I suppose. I can get really agressive when I'm pissed off. even when I'm not I am slightly agressive lol. [Akourah Lilly] 9/7/2005 10:52:19 AM

Hope you feel better soon. It's starting to get cold here and I don't like it. [SEPIA EMISSION] 9/7/2005 11:14:35 AM

i don't know whether i want to see charlie and the chocolate factory yet.... i like the original too much [HotGayBoy80] 9/7/2005 12:18:50 PM

I love your entries. They always take me to another place. A clean, clean, clean place full of things that we don't have here.

Which is why I like you so much.

Ah, that, and the fact that you're cute and a Sagittarius.

peck

ryn: Oh, you. [Ness Café. Nescafé.] [p] 9/7/2005 12:57:22 PM

awww big hugs i hope u get to feeling better [JessKL] 9/7/2005 1:27:42 PM

shudders I HATED Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Creeped me out beyond all reason.

My personal opinion, you should have messaged him. I'm sure he was thinking the same thing as you were. [Rachel Erin] 9/7/2005 1:53:30 PM

haha i saw charly and the chocolate factory. i liked it, but im not sure if i would want to own it. i loved the legally blonde movies (everyone says i look like her) but i hope you do get to feeling better. i just came down with a cold myself, its no fun at all. im glad you had a great time meeting your msn buddy. hugs have a great day/night! :~) [PetiteAnge] 9/7/2005 2:13:07 PM

i just read your joke....thats hilarious! i liked it ;~) [PetiteAnge] 9/7/2005 2:16:58 PM

I laughed & laughed at yr joke. What a hoot! I hope yr feeling better soon, I'm taking ages to get over mine, it sucks. ((hugs)) I'm glad u got to meet him He sounds really nice. Can u explain that phrase? U were supposed to jump up? I'm assuming a gay phrase, prob. y I don't know it, lol. U could've had sex on the train! I'm sorry to hear yr Mum doesn't appreciate u, she doesn't know what she's [~~PuddleGlum~~] [p] 9/7/2005 5:22:34 PM

missing out on. I think yr incredibly generous to give her $400. Just thinking to the future, I could never ask my kids 4 money, I don't think its right. She needs to be more considerate of u & who u've become. Don't feel guilty 4 saying no. Its not yr responsibility to support her. Sorry if I've said anything out of line. But family things r always tricky. 4 sum reason, I wouldn't have thought [~~PuddleGlum~~] [p] 9/7/2005 5:29:19 PM

guys would be interested in 'Charlie & The Choc. Factory.'I'm glad u enjoyed it :)I'm debating whether I will.I really like the old 1.Lots of memories associated with it.Me & the family luved the 'Legally Blonde' movies & 'Suddenly 30'.Gr8 ones to keep.I don't know if u saw an entry of mine titled 'Gay Sex.'U might find it interesting ;)Thx 4 yr note too, it made me :)2 see u had dropped in. Tc, [~~PuddleGlum~~] [p] 9/7/2005 5:36:30 PM

I'm glad u had a super cum. Aren't fantasies the best? I get so addicted to mine. I wish I could be a guy 4 just 1. day & have a cum to feel how it feels. I want to know & experience it. I think my cums don't rate as well as a guys 1. Lucky U! LoL [~~PuddleGlum~~] [p] 9/7/2005 5:39:58 PM

great joke! [fries] 9/7/2005 7:03:23 PM

Aww..love the thing about the little duckies. The joke was great too. I'm glad you had fun when you finally met your MSN friend. [broken.wings.] 9/7/2005 7:22:49 PM

You must have the most interestig life. I am living viariously through u! :O) I'd share all the crap that I do but,, I cold never make it sound as remotely interesting as your adventures.... keep thoes entries coming. [3daygomer] 9/7/2005 11:51:39 PM

I thought what Luke said was fatuous. The rules and norms of one relationship are never applicable to another. And I've been in your situation, not from my Mum, but in the position of giving money to loved ones when I knew I needed it and it would likely be wasted.

Good luck with all the guys!

My curiosity is up - it's ok if you don't want to confide in an old school friend :-) but did your [TheBlindArcher] [p] 9/8/2005 1:44:37 AM

mum and Luke need the money for so bad? Ok if that's too private though [TheBlindArcher] [p] 9/8/2005 1:45:23 AM

and can you contact me soon - the basketball is next wednesday night I think - the 14th, so are you in, or are you out? Six PM onwards. Will get tix [TheBlindArcher] 9/8/2005 1:46:11 AM

i LOVED charlie and the chocolate factory. Johnny Depp is such an awesome actor (so hot too) but like he can play such diverse roles. Glad the meeting with him went well :P [SinderellaX] 9/8/2005 2:17:07 AM

i glad u had a good time at the movies. personally im to afraid of the umpa lumpas to go see it! [butterflybabe13] 9/8/2005 3:02:29 AM

Hope you are feeling better. Cannot imagine what Barry White and Macy Gray sound like together but thats besides the point. Glad you and your friend had such a good time at the movies. He probably is into you. He messaged you and guys that are just trying to be nice would not take the time to do that. And it is always nice when a stranger checks you out...

Happy Wednesday... Or is it Thursday? [pizzaguy184] 9/8/2005 4:01:57 AM

Or is it Friday? It must be one of those days in your part of the world! Happy Whatever! :) [pizzaguy184] 9/8/2005 4:02:35 AM

Hope you're starting to get better! He sounds like a great guy...a great friend at the very least!

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory rocked! i loved how it was different to the original movie, but still kept its charms.

Get better soon

xox [jessicah] 9/8/2005 7:33:41 AM

Wow, sounds like the date with him was a success. Way to go stud! I ate at Outback, an America steak house with an Austrailian theme, and I thought of you. One of the items on the menu was a Toowoomba (sp?) chicken something...I don't really remember what it was, I just know it was named after where you live!! Pretty cool! [C-Dub85] 9/8/2005 9:44:56 AM

Didn't take that long for Matty to find somebody new. :-) Bring him home so Lukey can freak :-) You're too nice to do that, but it might be fun! And do take more pictures of yourself. Just not in drag. You look better in men's clothing. Or out of men's clothing. :-) oooookay I need to stop. Call Aaron. You're always happy when you do stuff with him. And eat chicken. Aaron + chicken = happy Matty!! [mobyduck] 9/8/2005 11:59:56 AM

Do you want me to come and make you chicken soup. -Brandy. [The Cherry] 9/8/2005 12:05:52 PM

OMG. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.

after I finished, I was just thinking, I'd buy that movie when it came out. I don't usually buy movies too, [penfifteen] 9/8/2005 4:30:08 PM

You should post some more pictures of yourself on OD. Maybe ones while your thinking of your fantasies! Wide Eyes lol. Plus, everytime you say him you should give him a different name to confuse people! [Archer_Mage] 9/8/2005 5:54:45 PM

you should start paying attention to ur myspace honey...i sent you like 4 messages [SeNtInAlLoVe] 9/8/2005 7:07:07 PM

I think I can make an exception for you. How about an innocent back massage instead?

I'll probably be posting instructions on how to do it very soon, as I've gotten numerous requests.

I loved that joke. I think I snorted.

XxX [OnSecondThought] 9/8/2005 8:38:56 PM

Mattie! You're so popular! So many notes! I'm jealous! And why am I putting so many exclamation marks!

ryn: Yep, guess so. We're kindred spirits, haha. And yeah, I know what you're talking about when you said about 'not just jeans'. I wanted to say 'pants', but 'pants' to me is underwear, so, lol. And drool he is SO eye candy.

Me gorgeous? No, you gorgeous. You delicious, too.

Later! [Nesstwy.] 9/8/2005 11:11:57 PM

Aw - I'm on the Caboolture line too !!

I loved this entry !! [Ezra_Medic] 9/9/2005 4:12:42 AM

awww :) you never see ducks with ducklings around here. that's what sucks about the big city!

ryn: thanks for your kind note. drop by anytime :) [apples and cherries] 9/9/2005 8:15:02 AM

STRAWBERRIES!!!!! right after strawberry season comes mango season...mmm....summer...!:D [dysfunctional_faerie] 9/9/2005 9:11:08 AM

Hey im just replying to the note you left me..lol yea i kno i havent updated in ages.. im using this xanga site.. dont kno why i just am.. hey i see you have a myspace thing.. ill add you to my friends list ttyl

~jason [Stolen Sidewalk] 9/9/2005 10:32:05 AM

RYN: We'll wait till she says yes before we celebrate, okay?? :) [Sex Hound] 9/9/2005 11:25:51 AM

cool! hope all goes well with you and him

[easy, happy, endings] 9/9/2005 11:32:40 AM

Hey kitten. (I don't know why I want to call you kitten, but I do. Don't argue with me!)

Anyways, you've been tagged. :)

Check out my entry "Nee-nur-nee-nur-nee-nur!" and then do it.

Pleaaaaaseee!

XxX

[OnSecondThought] 9/9/2005 8:45:57 PM

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Last updated May 13, 2014