I think it's strange you never knew in And here we go.
- Oct. 17, 2021, 9:31 p.m.
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- Public
My dearest Valkyrie, I keep having dreams about you, mostly because of what I just went through recently.
I remember our time together. I remember how I wasted all the years.
You are tall, and you seriously underestimated the reach of your arms and how hard you could punch. The only thing more threatening than your random punches was that cynical chuckle you had, always so accurately placed. So painfully playful.
You burned on the inside, fiercely, passionately and only treated my presence as an infestation in your land. It was so difficult to close the gap between us, but it was thrilling and it was worth it.
I wish I could’ve seen you for who you were, I only dwelled in my sorrows. I wish I had dwelled in possibilities.
You look at me, you looked at a future, I only looked at the past and all things that I was denied. I was such a fool.
You scared me, for all the right reasons. I was cautious, I watched my step and above all, I had no courage to challenge you.
Four days before your marriage you told me that you would’ve said yes if I had asked to marry you.
You are a regret I refuse to let go. Every time you message me to ask how I’m doing but rarely ever reply, its like I’m just trying to control my ship in a storm, only to realize my ship is anchored and all this commotion is the just rattling of my insecurities and shortcomings.
And to you Pixie.
It’s been years since Valkyrie and out of nowhere I bumped into you. Tall, big green eyes, magnificent tattoos sprawled all over your body. You were a living tattooed fairy, wishful with such a beautiful laugh.
You filled up any room you walked into with a soft warm glow that made everything so happy.
And just like Valkyrie, you were a struggle. You pushed me away and you built up your defenses so high and so difficult, it was insane to think I sank 3 years just to have you shut me out again and again. All I saw was a girl pressing down hard on the accelerator just wanting to end it all. Reconciling with your past was uncommonly difficult but you persevered.
you came from a place of great pain and suffering and you thought you’d ruin my life if I got close.
No phone, no social media, you never wanted to be spoken to, reached out to.
We both healed together, we were so happy together.
I understood your desperate need to be alone, because all these years of isolation had conditioned you into being alone, being with someone, anyone was simply a burden on the other person for you.
Not for me. I waited, every single time. I let you go, and you came back every single time. Because you missed me, because you wanted to tell me about your adventures, because you felt safe with me.
We were happy together.
A month before the corona epidemic hit USA you said you needed some time off the radar and went away. Like always, I told you to come find me right here whenever you come back.
It’s been almost 2 years.
The radio silence is deafening. Its loud. Its uncomfortable.
I’ve exhausted all options to find you.
I think you’re dead.
I think I’ll have to make peace with a world without you.
First Valkyrie, now you…
How did I end up in 2011 again?
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