My cousin passed, BD drama. in Since OD is shutting down....

I found out Saturday morning that my little cousin, 20 years old was murdered. He was walking down the street and was shot. He died at the hospital Friday evening. I am absolutely wrecked over this and I’ve cried every time my daughter isn’t in the same room with me. My older brother and I haven’t had much if any contact with our cousin and his wife is probably 10 years or more and this has left me with a lot of regret.

We have both reached out to them and we will be attending his service on Sunday. My Mom is going to watch the kids as I told her I don’t want my daughter to see my sobbing hysterically and she agreed that is no place for her. We took the kids to my Grampa’s funeral but he was old, we knew he was gonna go, and went peaceful.

So........I’m going to move onto talking about BD as I would rather not start crying again. He was working under the table at an event about 30 minutes away and I had the bright idea to try and reconnect to see if there was a possibility of him helping with school supplies. Well, as it turns out he used me for a ride home, a place to stay for 2 days, and made me pay for his food. I had asked if he would watch our child so I could go to the funeral and he wouldn’t unless it was at my house so I told him nevermind, so he says, “oh well” because again he doesn’t care about seeing his child.

He also didn’t help yet again with his child while he was here. Did the same thing he always does which was slept all day and played on his phone while I cooked, cleaned and looked after her. He mentioned needing her information so that he could get an apartment and food stamps so clearly not only did he have motives AGAIN, but wants to live off of his own child where he owes thousands in CS, won’t help with healthcare or childcare, and has no real regard for her but wants me to have regard for him to help him score free food and a place to live.

All I know is if anyone has a BD like mine, I am so sorry. NO one should EVER have to fucking deal with this shit! I have a reached a whole new level of just letting it be but I’m just thankful I have plenty of savings because if I couldn’t provide for her on my own, things would be really bad. He’s just so bitter and mean. If I don’t do what he wants, even if it means taking from my daughter or myself, he has no problem turning his back and walking away. I’m supposed to be a complete and utter doormat or I’m on my own. Well, I have been since the day I found out I was pregnant so it’s not hurting me anymore but what more does he need to do to show me it’s time to shut the door on this!!

I can’t write anymore today.