In the End in Current Events

On top of the positive things happening in my little life, my grandmother gets released from the hospital on Monday or Tuesday. I’m helping my mother get her new apartment ready this weekend. I want to be supportive of my mother through this. My grandmother sounded like her old self when I last spoke with her on the phone.

I started my morning off pretty well. My mood that is. I was ambitious enough to just go over my finances before work. My shift also went by quickly and I was in a decent mood until I got home. That instantly changed when I got home for some reason. For some reason, this evening I kept thinking about the words “my health is the best it’s ever been, my fitness is the best it’s ever been, my finances are the best they’ve ever been, my relationships are the best they’ve ever been, and my work is the best it’s ever been and I am still miserable.” That was my answer to a therapist I had started seeing when he asked why I wanted to seek help. It was never the content in my life that was making me miserable it was the context. That was my epiphany. When all of that fell apart I was on the verge of either a breakdown or a breakthrough. I had a breakthrough. That is when I started my self-improvement journey. I became unpalatable for most people in my life but that’s okay. It added to the growth.

I have been slacking and I know it. In all aspects of my life. I’m so tired after work and I just crash. I’ve been eating like shit and then feeling like shit. I managed to push through the exhaustion and get a leg and glute workout done. Barely. Then I looked at my body in the mirror, I never look at my face. I’m not happy with my body which is stupid. My body loves me and takes care of me and that feeling is mutual, I don’t know why aesthetics still matter to me. I achieved my goal of getting abs. I want to look shredded, my metabolism and diet would support that easier than getting bulky. The reason I’m eating like shit is that I want to get in more calories but I haven’t restructured my diet in a way that is healthy. My version of unhealthy is just getting the mock meats and processed vegan food. Moderation is key but I take it too far sometimes when I am lazy. My body absolutely hates those foods. I’m intuitive with my body and I know better than to abuse it this way.

I’m slipping away it seems. I stopped looking at comments on here. Stopped engaging with others. My other social media is starting to become the same way. I haven’t opened my notifications in a month almost. I’m participating in this information warfare and it’s burning me out. The cable news cult is beyond help, they’re absolutely just in the way. For now. I was just sentenced to seven days in Facebook jail the other day. Talking about Hunter Biden’s laptop went against their communist standards. Whatever, I need the break. Here in Chinada, Trudeau’s government officially mandated the vaccines for federal workers. We need vaccine passports to fly or use trains now. People will just claim their rights and do it anyway, just not enough of us. Our governments cannot stand that we have rights. The Nuremberg Code is supposed to protect us, the charters, and constitutions also. It is an experimental vaccine, informed consent is a basic human right but we have brain-damaged adults who cannot physically think for themselves that are fully committed to the propaganda and helping the government overthrow us for China and the Central Banks. Go team!

I don’t want to be in fear or feel nihilistic. I also don’t want to lobotomize myself with positive thinking. There is an existential threat to my life and liberty and I am trying not to let it hurt my mind. Fear is paralytic to our consciousness. This is why so many fools are so committed to the narrative about this pandemic that no government has been able to prove exists in a court of law. They’re all lunatics. I can’t stomach the thought of what my niece and nephew’s future will look like. You know about our politicians trafficking children or you don’t. Those who know can’t sleep. That is what is making me feel some type of way. Freedom is their birthright but that is being stolen from them. Their god-given health is going to be replaced by big pharma. They will have no voice or cerebral constitution. This world is so corrupt. We are the generation that hates children, that is our legacy. Adults have fallen so far from God and grace and are making children sacrifice everything to save themselves. They can’t even manage a 99.9% survival rate without cannibalizing babies via a syringe. We co-created this, we consent to this. These are people who think this is the end times and that God is coming to save us. They’ve even offloaded their god-given sovereign will to a re-legion. They’re just lost, poor unfortunate souls who cannot meet any of their needs on their own. Gross.

I need to reconnect to the studies I was doing. The esoteric sciences. I don’t know how to explain it. When I discovered what was hiding at the bottom of the rabbit hole it felt like I found what I have been looking for my whole life. As though everything in my life added up to me discovering it. I overwhelm myself with it easily. Now that I want to learn it inside and out. I suppose the idea is to give it back to humanity. Add to the renaissance we are supposed to be having. In this turning of the age, our true heritage is discovered. It’s right in front of us, being used against us but we were brainwashed to think it’s the axis of all evil.

Blah, I will go read in my bed. I should change my routines. Stick to things that give me health. That gives my mind, body, and soul health. To brace myself for what is about to happen to humanity. I feel like I am preparing my soul for something. These end times feel biblical because it is. This is all written in the stars. The ending is pre-programmed. The bad guys are going to win and have their victory for a while but in the end, we do win. Consciousness saves us.