Marie Antoinette in Aftermath

So I went to the pharmacy today to pick up my medication I’m starting a new antidepressant  let’s see if it helps as well as the other medication that I am on already

I pretty much almost threw up because the pharmacist was taking his f** sweet time. So embarrassing but luckily I got my medication I just ra  he f out he’s do you want to use the washroom  no I want my medication and I want to run the f** out, lol they had already given me a bag a d there was no line up at all. 

No they were okay you know they probably were just caught off guard whatever. Lol

Anyways I got to talk to my therapist today I don’t know about her she’s pretty defensive when I talk about the center which she works for and to me that’s a sign of narcissism when people cannot be reflective of criticism for things that they are involved with. I don’t know otherwise she’s okay I try to talk about other things I know that’s not a characteristic of a true therapist but there really is slim pickings out there. I mean otherwise she’s pretty good she has the same cultural background as me pretty much specifically which is interesting she’s Italian and Indigenous as well and she’s also the tribe from  one of my ancestors is from too. So she could definitely relate to the mixed race feeling.

There’s a lot of gatekeeping and Indigenous culture contemporary indigenous culture or unfortunately I get it in a way because there is people trying to capitalize off that people that are not indigenous but at the same time there’s people like me who are white passing or did it grow up with the traditions and the culture because of colonization so that needs to be kept in mind as well there’s a fine line between protecting the culture and  making sure that the people who were colonized and left behind could reconnect safely and not question  me so much and it treated with hostility like I have been

I was really surprised when I started reconnecting how there’s people speaking the language and having their Spirit names and tribe and Nation but they don’t leave much room for the assumption that not everyone knows that so you start feeling like a fake and it impostor and you almost feel as though the people around you probably think that as well so it’s it’s kind of unfortunate that the leaders of this though you don’t make that clear to people that they’re still welcome even if they don’t have those things.

Anyways watching Marie Antoinette, because as I was doing my ancestry tree, I found a Scottish ancestor who was a countess and a close confidant to Marie Antoinette, she had a tough life this ancestor, she lost her parents at 3 years old, one after the other than had to rise up in her position, a man came to try to take her wealth position and prestige she was sable to fight him off of it than she had to flee BC of some other shit…

Anyways it’s interesting to hear stories about historical and Ancestors sometimes I think the world around me is privileged and sheltered from the reality that some live, I’m only a step away from being on the streets, and being more disabled

I wish more people looked to the future instead of immediate gratification and with more humbleness and kindness towards others because they too may have more steps between them being homeless or sick but maybe not  right?