Narc mom. in Aftermath

So yeah my mom ruined the viewing for  for me but I know she was going to put doubt in my mind give me unsolicited f** advice and argue with me and give me f* just be mean to me it’s like hurt so f hurtful I don’t know what’s wrong with her when she f lashes out at me you know I’m in a stressful enough situation and she just f*** puts it on me I had to hang up once again on her because I can’t even have a decent conversation with this child

I don’t know like she just always goes against what I’m saying she never can go with it or consider what I have to say all anytime  the way she’s treating me it’s just unacceptable I deserve to be treated a lot better than that  I’m a good person and I’ve been a good f** daughter to her so it’s about time she step up and be a good mom but I f**** doubt this deadbeat do that. She’s abused me viciously all my life in everyway possible. But I am dependant financially  hopefully not forever because she’s so jealous of me and refuses to change her ways even after multiple attempts. It’s so tiring to be more mature than your own mother. Like how am or how can I when I never had any good adult role models they were all selfish and immature and entitled. It figures they are boomers.

I’m so sick of her I’m so sick of her like I just can’t take this anymore I’m just so frustrated try to have a good day and try to have so much f** patience that’s why I’m so much f* medication and pills and I have to capitalize on a week that my pmdd is at bay the things  she gets mad at me cuz I don’t want to go to the f Queens plate, we are Indigenous and she wants to fucking cling to the whiteness of us i never talk about this way really but I just f*** hate her she will not change or try to change

I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to cry I want things to be okay I want to feel in control of the situation I feel so lost I don’t know what I’m doing and all she can do is yell at me all the f** time

I just don’t know what to do I just wish she  could be a better f** person or at least try and she never will cuz she’s a spot of f* Satan at the time pretends to be this Angel but it’s just cuz she’s f has to be decent some of the time for f sakes why is she like this

I don’t know why I can’t think no one’s on my f** side I have to do this on my own I don’t know what the f I’m doing I don’t understand why people are so f** assholes so cold and cruel towards me and other people there’s no empathy left this f*** world

I hate this f** world

I just can’t take this I don’t know like I get no one beyond my side can no one have my back why do I have to do everything alone all the time it’s just cruel even if there’s a God it’s cruel to always allow me and make me do everything alone and just have it just me have to give less than I deserve because people won’t help me for whatever f** reason