Sunday in Aftermath

By the way if a lot of what I say doesn’t make sense it’s because I’m doing voice to text and it doesn’t always say the right word.

So it’s 11:00 still I’m pretty hard on myself when I don’t get up right away I used to be like that I guess up and on them and you know be able to do things but lately I’m going through a rough time and I’m pretty tired anyway so it’s not a big deal it’s only 11:00 a.m. anyways I don’t mind being this way cuz I have a lot of money so I mean I don’t have a lot but I have more than I usually do and you know if I had energy I’d be spending a lot of it not that I’m already spending time on takeout and Amazon but not too much really just another light bulb for my lamp that’s about it

So I don’t know what I’m going to do today it’s Sunday and I’m going to make it nice maybe have a tea clean up a bit hang out do some pick a card readings I don’t know what else to eat

I don’t know what else I’m going to do I’ll see what happens my mom is still at my brother’s house she’ll probably call me on her way back to complain or to talk about how good it was but maybe I can put a timer on for as long as I’ll listen and if it’s good then I’ll continue but if it’s s*** maybe like you know say oh I got to go something whatever time’s up on this thing I’m doing I’m trying to think what oh I have something in the oven pizza I’ll say

That’s good I’m sharp right now I wish I could use this to help me within the next month or you know the next month when I stop my ovulation I really feel like I got to go to a viewing this week for sure even if I don’t get the place I’m in a good place I need more practice and if it’s a good place I need to get a reaction to see what’s going to go out there and how hard this is going to be to find a place even with all the energy that I have at times and able to be with you know what I mean positivity it’s not all up to me so I’m going to try my best to keep things positive and envision and positive place and division a good place for myself I don’t know where how how or when but hopefully soon and some were good

Because all I can think of is negativity because all that’s around me is negativity none of it’s like positive or hopeful or no one’s giving me any ideas it’s just I’m so disappointed but I’m not surprised this happened to me 6 years ago same thing I wanted to move but no one gave a s*** no one helped me I couldn’t figure out how to get anywhere where to be you know it’s lonely when you’re by yourself you have to figure things out you want to make sure that you’re safe you want to feel connected you want to feel relatively accepted within your community I don’t need to be best friends with anyone but I hope that I can get along where I’m not where I am and not discriminated against our judge or sexually harassed or harassed or whatever reason because it seems to be a pattern with me I attract because of my vulnerability predators and people who like to lash out at others because they’re weak and cowardly themselves bullies especially if you new

I got to think of a project I want to do or something about the computer too much and internalizing too much b* and getting myself involved and stuff and you know the random nature of tiktok at times is not always the best it can be very triggering and there’s no really way around it Instagram is okay but I’m always just dreading like always getting negative comments I don’t want to work on like f it if I get negative comments you know it’s either a chance to grow or a chance to just you know delete it and know that it whatever it is is like makes you know it’s usually a good sign when you get negative comments it means you’re growing unfortunately but at the same time it’s like you know whatever people say negative things they’re either trolls or they have a point but you know I learned right that’s it it’s a good thing in a way you know as long as it’ll get too many though that’s all or threats or disgusting stuff all the time cuz it hurts but it’s par for the course what I’m doing and I mean it sucks because like I said I’m a freelancer before I want to do this stuff online it seemed like too much work to me it seemed like this permanence and I’m not good with that especially when I know the changing nature of how people can be and how they can take your pictures how they can steal your stuff and they can stalk you harass you all that s right they do that in person that’s a lot easier to just avoid it and Instagram and tiktok so competitive you go no one else to tell reader you go online everyone with the tarot reader you know it takes a long time you have to do something free readings in real life you wouldn’t do a free reading goodbye to our really small mini but you don’t do the readings that we tarot readers have to do which I don’t mind there are really fun but I can’t do the math as much as I used to because I’m not getting enough interaction on them or any kind of like energy exchange with them considering this is my living you know my pick a card readings are subliminally an advertisement for my gift the way I speak the topics that I talk about and how I articulate things

For those who don’t book me or don’t tip me is fine but you know give a thumbs up leave a comment you know it’s hard to be content when you don’t know if it’s good or not you see these views and you get no thumbs up no thumbs down you got no comments you’re like okay you know as long as people aren’t rude you know you know I’d rather not have any negativity with it because it’s not like unless I say something really out of line because you know you can’t really criticize it it’s like art you can’t criticize it it’s what comes out and they’re reading so you’re not going to like what it says all the time but it’s what they’re reading says and you can take with a grain of salt right
I stick with what I know and do as much as I can because I want to find a balance especially lately I started last September and I put my heart and soul into it and I built it up and I don’t regret the hustle that I did but now it seems like not that I’m going to completely stop hustling but I want to maintain a consistency to it a character to it I don’t want to be as aggressive with getting testimonious things like that cuz I’m not starting to do it anymore I’m confident my abilities I’m taking long education to get our classes and every day I educate myself

Anyways I don’t know what else will do today it’s Sunday so we will see.