Heartless. in Since OD is shutting down....

OKay so my friend that I’ve always had a pretty strained relationship with …well we’ve reconnected in the past week and they’d like us to come visit again. There’s several problems with this as the last time we were there things definitely didn’t go very well because of his control issues and not taking responsibility for anything. We would have to stay with his friend as he doesn’t have an open bedroom anymore. We were video chatting and his friend asked me when we were coming so my kid hears this and then bugged me non-stop for days wanting to go see them and then decides that her and I would need to have a conversation before we come. That’s fine but I would have appreciated her mentioning that BEFORE asking when were coming to visit!

I also have issues with my car such as the AC doesn’t really like to work once the temp is over 85 and I am not trying to drive 5 hours with a small child and no way to keep cool. I also won’t have radio for most of the trip since my CD player broke. I’ve already spent money on anti-freeze, an oil change, and AC recharge. It would also cost me at least $200 just for gas to get down there, the trip home and fill my tank once we get back. Not to mention what I would spend while we are there.

I just don’t really want to waste the time, money, and effort for people that have already shown me that they really don’t have a lot of regard for me or my child. I never realized just how selfish, heartless, and downright shitty people can be until I had a child of my own. I honestly have more hatred for humanity now that I’ve had a kid than I used to because people just don’t fucking care.

This is also the friend that lived off me for 6 months and wasn’t going to leave until I got the cops involved and changed the locks. I am still not over that either. I’m also just not over the crap he pulled the few times we went to visit last Summer and didn’t care about his behavior at all. He definitely could have handled shit way differently then he did.

But yeah, I’m still not willing to drive a car where the AC doesn’t really work and there’s no way to keep cool and then stay with his friend who’s just as much as of asshole as he is. I also don’t know her as well and would feel like I’m just intruding on her. I also don’t want to leave my kid with her because it’s not her job to watch her and would just plan to take her with to whatever we are doing.

I’m also not a fan of staying with other people for any length of time as it can get super uncomfortable super fast and it’s a lot harder to leave when you have a small child that doesn’t really notice when adults aren’t getting along. It’s just too bad that hotels are so expensive because otherwise I’d just book one.

I’ve decided that we are going to do something else besides going there. Stuff that’s closer to us and would be a lot less expensive. I spent years not loving myself and chasing people that didn’t love me either and now I just can’t put my daughter through that. I know he wouldn’t care if we were to break down on the side of the road 400 miles from home in the heat so why should I even consider going?!

There’s been a lot of times in the past where I knew something was a bad idea and it was going to result in disaster and went along with it anyway. I don’t do that anymore because I have to think of my kid and worry about things affect her. I also don’t want to stay at someone’s house where it’s awkward as shit because if we leave, my daughter isn’t going to understand why.

It’s been super hot lately and even today it’s still 100. It’s going to be for the next several days too. I hate when it’s this hot because once it’s above 95, my AC taps out so I just run fans in my room to keep cool and then have to wait for the temp to go down so the AC will actually work.

More later.