Heat, school starting. in Since OD is shutting down....

It has been stupid hot here lately and I’m honestly over Summer. I can deal with the heat up until it’s over 95 and then my AC taps out. Thank God for fans because it’s hot over here during the day. I was sleeping this morning and my daughter’s teacher finally messaged back saying for us to come at 9:30 so I got her up and bathed. We just went over their schedule and orientation, which I will go with her and they’ll do a craft and a snack. I personally would rather not really go because I suck in mixed social situations but it doesn’t sound like it won’t be a super long event.

School starts on the 24th and I can’t tell you how excited my daughter is. We were driving to her school earlier and I told her she could stay home with me to which she replied, “no Mom, I have to go back to school” and I laughed so hard. She absolutely loves going and enjoyed playing with the toys while we were there. I’m excited for her because she just loves other kids and loves to learn.

I’ve called CS and left a message. I am so ready for them to pull the trigger on that warrant and maybe start seeing some CS pretty soon. He’s been unemployed for almost 3 months, again. I just don’t get why the fuck he is so lazy and selfish. I am so sorry that I picked him to be the Father of my child and the guilt I carry with me is unimaginable. I know that I have to let it go but it’s hard. My daughter is taken care of completely by me and I am proud of that but I do wish her Dad would grow the hell up and start being an actual Dad to her. Stuff started out pretty good back in March and then went to shit again because he wasn’t getting anywhere with me and doesn’t want to do anything unless there’s going to be huge rewards for him.

I am starting to work on a plan for having a job again. I am definitely ready to be working and everything, it’s just going to be the issue of finding something that’s within my daughter’s school hours. I’m going to try and find something outside the house but if I can’t, I’m going to buy a new laptop and see about working from home. I am just worried I’ll find another job where if it’s busy I won’t be able to leave on time and that definitely wouldn’t work because there’s no one else to get her safely from the bus.

My Mom is broke again since unemployment ended so my brother and I have had to help her with gas and smokes over the weekend. I probably bought her 4 packs and my brother helped with 1 and gas for her pickup. I know that I am not going to be able to help her out every time I hear from her so I’m literally scared to talk to her. She won’t get her SS until the 11th but my Dad gets paid on Friday so they’ll have to figure it out. I’m annoyed that I basically had to pay her to watch my kid and that’s why once she starts school, I will figure something else out.

The daycare my kid has gone to is pretty close to shutting down due to staffing issues. They do homeschool too but there’s not enough people to work in the daycare part and now they’re asking everyone almost daily to come in and volunteer which I have a big problem with because they don’t want to wait 4-5 weeks for people to get finger printed and I know I personally wouldn’t want just random people in there taking care of my child! I don’t know if by having people volunteer if they could be breaking the law doing that or not but it’s sketchy to me.

They had a meeting the other day and I watched online. They are going to try and do fundraisers and different things to keep the doors open but I can’t help and wonder what kind of care the kids are getting since all the staff is spread so thin. I’m honestly glad my kid doesn’t go there anymore.

I haven’t heard from my friend since Saturday when I called him. I’m not sure how to drop the ball on the fact that we probably aren’t coming at least until it starts to cool down and not have to worry about the AC issue as much. I already plan to do a couple of fun things with my kid before school starts. I would rather spend way less money and way less time in the car doing stuff closer to where we live than spending at least $200 just on gas to go somewhere super far away and deal with even more headaches than before. Hotels are just too expensive down there and I wouldn’t want to drive down there and things be awkward right away and then have to spend money for a hotel or drive back that same night.

I know that if I mentioned him coming to see us he would say how he can’t afford it and it’s like okay well how the fuck do you expect me to?! I actually have a kid that I financially support, unlike him. He has 2 kids that aren’t biologically his and he’s only ever spent money on them when he’s decided to so he doesn’t have any idea what it’s actually like having to buy stuff and pay for things whether you want to or not!!! He’s another one that’s only ever been an ‘optional’ parent, not obligated so he definitely doesn’t understand how it works.

I have a little friend I used to work with that’s always asking people to watch her kids and I’ve told her I’m available until school starts but haven’t heard back. I saw just today that she needs someone to watch them starting at 5:30am and that’s not it for me. I don’t do 5am under any circumstances. I wouldn’t mind watching kids so my daughter has someone to play with everyday and have some extra cash but I also haven’t forgotten all the times I’ve gotten burned too because people don’t like to pay. It’s a pretty easy way to make money but it’s also a pretty easy way to get burned too.

I’m super happy to know I’m going to have care to get a job but also nervous about working again because It’s been super nice not having to work and deal with shitty people though. I honestly fucking hate people, mainly here where I live and I just can’t stand how everyone is so fueled by drama and negativity. It’s just been so fucking nice not having to worry about it whatsoever. I hate drama, conflict and gossip and that’s all people are about here. I’ve enjoyed being able to decide my day and what I will put up with and who I want to be around. I can’t express how nice it’s been feeling like I’m completely in control of my life and my decisions and for my child as well.