Paranoia fun? in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

paranoia fun? - 3/27/2004

When you start going out with someone for a while and everything seems perfect, you start to wonder what's really going on.  In Micheal's life, everything seems perefect - he has many friends whom he can call upon for support or for company, he gets along fantastically with everyone he meets, he has two good jobs and is in high positions in both and therefore holds a lot of respect among those around him.  He knows how to stand up for himself and can rip shreds off anyone who pisses him off.  He can offer effective communication to any of his friends and is a great listener.  He gets excited about life each day and always has a busy schedule.  The only thing really missing in his life was a boyfriend - and that is me.  We love each other, I now realise that more than I did at the beginning of the week.  I didn't know what love was, but missing someone as much as I do when they aren't around me must be something special.  I see him as a very genuine person, I see him as trustworthy and loyal - but despite all the positive attributes to him that I've fallen in love with, I can't help but wonder "why me?".

I'm not exactly the most outspoken person compared to his extensive comminication levels, my job is nowhere near as 'impressive' as his is and he talks about so many topics I've never heard of before, but they are a big part of his life, and I try to understand where he's coming from.  If he has so many big things in his life, and I have so little to offer but my affection for him, what does he see in me?  Why does he say he loves me? I asked him, but he said "I'd be going on about it all night" - which was really sweet, but didn't really tell me anything.  He asked me why I couldn't say 'i love you' back to him, and it was true, I just couldn't believe it was all happening so fast.  After 4 days, he's beautiful to me, after 1 day I was beautiful to him - I really hope it's nothing suss.  It's just that it seemed a boyfriend was the only thing missing in his life, and he liked me and fell in love with me.  Is that possible to happen as fast as it has?

He's in Bundaburg at the moment, he had to take a heap of people there because someone stuffed up and left them in Brisbane when they were suppose to be there, and because of that there was no room in the car for me, so i'm here typing this, missing him like crazy and wanting him to get back so I can hold his hand again.

I had to vote today, geesh that was an experience.  Micheal dropped me home today before he had to leave for Bundy, and I went to 3 different schools before I found out where the hell I was enrolled haha.  I had to go all the way out to Bundamba and finally they found my name.  At least I've dodged the damn fine. If things hadn't have been stuffed up this week, Micheal and I would be in Mooloolaba walking along the beach.  He did tell me he felt bad, but I told him that it's something that couldn't have been helped, and he was being sweet and doing the right thing (well I should've told him that last bit.)

The car accident I had yesterday has me a little worried, I'll admit - I did run into the back of a pretty nice car, and they guy who was driving had a pretty strong accent so the car may have been European.  Sarja at work didn't help much by telling me when her husband ran into a car, they had to fork out $10,000!  I've never had that much money in my entire life!  I've just been praying about it and hoping for the best.

I sent my dad a message explaining what happened, and mum finally got a hold of me at work and was talking about it - I wasn't really worrying, and I still arent as much as most people would, or should I say 'as much as a normally would' - all because I have Micheal in my thoughts constantly.  I got some courage and said to my mum, "Do you want to know what else has been happening in my life?" - and she knew what i was getting at and said "No i don't want to know Matt," so I said 'well his name is Micheal and...', i was cut off by mum saying 'I DON'T wanna hear about it", but I continued a little before chickening out, I told mum that we were going out.  She wasn't happy but tried to subtly change the subject as soon as possible.  I mean, why question is, how can I have an open relationship with my parents if they don't want to talk about what matters most in my life? What do they want me to do, get with a chick, lie that I love her and marry her unhappily to keep them damn happy?  That's what it seems like.  I really don't care what they say or think negativly about me, I'm just glad we're still able to talk logically about things like car accidents.

So basically i miss my boyfriend at the moment.  I'm suppose to be going out to movies with my girlfriends tonight, but i'm sitting here typing, so i'd better get ready! haha, I hope my boi misses me as much as i do him :)

later on that night: Mel and Jo were so much fun, it was awesome to see them after so long apart.  We went and saw '50 first dates' on the 25 metre screen - it was actually a decent movie! :)  Laughed a fair bit and the cinema was packed out.  Mel brought her date and Jo brought her boyfriend - they were pretty nice guys, a fair bit older than I'd thought they would be, but they were nice.  Mel and Jo wanted to meet Micheal..and I so wished he was there...but maybe next time.  Oh and I finally saw what the 'my restaurant rules' restaurant looks like and saw Simon inside.  I don't like him on the tv, I wonder what he's really like in person.  Had a big night, I jsut need to find something big to cuddle up to for improvisation for the night...

Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------

IT sucks about how your parents are not entirely comfortable with it. But I am glad you are not being too harsh on them. MAybe your brother would help? It is also crap about the accident, but there is not much you can do about it - if he knows your poor then he shouldn't waste his time chasing you for money.

You have a lot to offer Michael ok man! Get it out of your head that you aren't worthy [TheBlindArcher] 3/29/2004 7:44:11 AM

I'm sorry that your parents aren't supportive. I have a similar situation with my mom not being 100% thrilled with idea that I'm in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with a guy from the internet. It's gotten to the point thought that I don't care and it's my life.

You worry too much. He obviously sees a lot in you just like you see in him. It's a good thing. [Dulcinea] 3/29/2004 5:38:23 PM

Get a giant stuffed animal. Maybe Michael can win you one at an amusement park ;o) That would be romantic. I see it when I leave Cedar Point, people hauling huge stuffed creatures. Wish I had a boyfriend to take and win something for.

~Daniel [dannyboy1505] 11/2/2005 12:16:11 PM

Last updated May 08, 2014