Annoyed* in The day to day

Wednesday the boys went to their dad’s like they always do. I got a text from my ex about an hour and a half after he got them. He said that I needed to come get A, because he had just broken the TV that he had bought them for their room. He said he had spanked him and yelled at him, but I either needed to come get him or he would bring him back to me. I texted back that I would be right there. I get there and A came out with his bag. He wasn’t crying or anything. I asked him where his phone was and he had to go back inside to get it. Meanwhile, my ex had come outside and let me know what exactly happened. He said that A was on the top bunk of their bed and threw his shoes, which hit and broke the TV. He started to get upset just talking about it. And I get it, to a point. He doesn’t have a lot of spare money and had just bought the TV over the weekend for them. He was excited for them to have it in their room to have them feel a little more at home when they were over there. And then it got broken not even two hours after them being there. However, it was just an accident. It wasn’t like A did it maliciously. He said he understood that, but he just needed to calm down. B surprisingly wanted to stay with his dad. We were both surprised by it but I welcomed the change.

I took A home with me and had a talk with him. He just kept saying he didn’t understand how a shoe could break a TV. His five year old mind couldn’t grasp the concept. I explained to him that was why I always asked him not to throw things in the living room at home, because I was afraid he would break the TV or something else. That he needed to try and think before acting. Ask himself if it was something that might get him in trouble. He cried a little and I know the poor kid felt bad.

Cut to yesterday, at first A acted like he didn’t want to go to his dad’s house. Towards the end of the day when it got closer he started asking when his dad was going to pick him up. So I thought his attitude had changed. This morning around 12:40 am, I woke up and saw I had a text from my ex. He said that A told him he didn’t want to be there. Told his dad that he just wants to be at home. My ex told him that they were going swimming today and did he not want to go and A said he didn’t. Apparently at some point yesterday he had an accident on himself too. My ex said he asked him why he goes over there and breaks his stuff, pees his pants, poops himself but doesn’t do it over here with me. My ex said it’s like he’s trying to punish him. He ended the text with telling me I can try and talk to A or he’ll bring him home.

Full stop. I was a little pissed when I saw the text. I was annoyed on Wednesday when I got the text, but at the same time I didn’t want to make A stay over there if he was just going to get yelled at for an accident. When as moms do we get to call someone and be like, “Well my kid is being an asshole, so I need you to come and get them?” We don’t have that luxury. Or really we don’t feel like it is something we can do as moms. We put up with the “I hate you!” moments after our kid gets in trouble. Or the “I don’t want to be here anymore!” “I want to go to my dad’s house!” We understand that it is coming from a place of frustration on the part of the kid. That they probably don’t really mean the things they are saying. I always respond with love back and tell them they are still in trouble. Or if it’s just something out of the blue that is said, I just tell them I love them.

If my ex is over there just constantly yelling at A or getting on him about things. Why would he think that A would want to stay over there? I don’t know if that is the case or not. But there has to be a reason that A wants to come home. And he needs to figure that out and address it. Stop just giving up being a parent when it is convenient for him. I have come to like the breaks from the kids when it is his weekend. I try and plan things that I can’t do with them here. I can’t always just stop what I am doing to come and get them because all of a sudden it is inconvenient to be a parent. I don’t know what will happen today. I haven’t texted back. I have an errand to run right now. And then maybe I will send him a text. It’s probably not going to be a nice text so this might turn into a fight. We’ll see.

In other news, B turns 14 on Sunday. I can’t believe it. There is no way I will have a 14 yr old. Time sure does fly.

• I feel like I should address the toileting on himself situation. A doesn’t generally pee on himself at home. However he is a boy, and I remember this from B, he doesn’t like to stop what he is doing to go to the bathroom. So occasionally he will start to wet himself and then run to the bathroom. As far as pooping on himself, it’s not a full blown poop situation. Again, it’s a I don’t want to stop what I’m doing to go take a poop. He will have a streak in his underwear where he started to go and stopped himself. He does do this with me a lot. I have to pay attention and make him go, especially if I hear him passing gas. Now it may be more of a stress situation when he’s with dad and that I know is because my ex gets annoyed with it more and is more verbal about it. And it’s not that I don’t, but I don’t berate him for it either. I’m more gentle with my approach.

Last updated May 22, 2021