Stale in Days of My Destiny

Some afternoons, everything feels stupid.

He gets home from work and it's just... irritating.... to watch us live this life of... routine and boring crap and how was your day.

The first time I ever felt like this, I didn't know how to cope and I ended up having a short lived affair.

This time, it's like, there's no fucking way I'll end up in another man's arms. It hasn't even crossed my mind. My man is incredible, and I now know that this ... FEELING.... has got nothing to do with US as a COUPLE, but rather, it's just part of life. Some parts are fun, some parts are mundane. The important thing is to do something about it before the mundane DOES affect us as a couple.

I had an idea last week, of us two going away for a solo weekend trip somewhere. I suggested this to him and he answered hesitantly. This irritated me. Where is the zest of life? Where is the spontaneity? I hit him up about the reaction and he said that my idea just took him by surprise and that he needed to let it sink in. He said it was spontaneous. I said, if it was spontaneous, I'd be saying, Hey babe! Let's go away together THIS WEEKEND! -- THAT is spontaneous. Anyway...... so we're looking into it. It won't happen any time soon, because of annual leave and organizing time off and bla bla bla, all those THINGS that just are.a.part.of.life.

Sometimes....... I don't know. We were hanging the washing this afternoon, and our neighbour snuck up on us from behind the water tank and yelled out and gave us a big fright. We all laughed, but I could see L was frustrated by it. I get it - he's tired, he didn't have a good sleep last night AND he was at work all day and not long home. He laughed, but I knew. And just knowing is annoying. Being able to read every miniscule change in facial expression so perfectly... can be annoying in times like these, where you just wish that the youth that is left in us would be the MAIN THING. Well.... some days it's the main thing in me, and other days it's the main thing in him. When it's the main thing in BOTH of us - that's when life is at its best (in my eyes). I was annoyed that he didn't just shrug the scare off and just LAUGH about it. You know?

Last week when he joined me at Battle PT, it REALLY worked him hard. And he looked pissed off about it. At one point I really thought he was going to cry. We weren't even side by side for most of the night, and I could see when it started to just piss him off. Almost like he was thinking, why am I here? I know that a feeling such as this is NATURAL when you are being pushed like you've never been pushed before. I KNOW that. But it still annoyed me that I could see that in him. It annoyed me that he didn't have a positive attitude about being pushed.

It's silly, I know it is. And I know it stems from.... well...... being in a bit of a stale time in life.

I look forward to when we book a weekend away. I told him we could have sex all day, and he just smiled. Like he doesn't quite have the energy to contemplate that right now.