Problems galore! in Since OD is shutting down....

So it’s been pretty rough dealing with the family so I’ve been pretty distant with them. My brother still thinks it’s my job to watch both of our kids on weekends, even though I never have a sitter. It’s been 3 weeks with no break and I’m good to leave it at that. I don’t bother asking my Mom as it just becomes stressful and draining. She offered to come over the weekend but was concerned that it might RAIN so she stayed home. Plot twist: it didn’t even sprinkle!

I’m sure I’ve wrote about how my parents have borrowed money from me over the years and never paid it back. Well, my Mom gave me money when she was getting unemployment and it’s been thrown in my face several times. I finally got rude about it the other day and shut her up real fucking quick. I also love that my family has never helped with my daughter no matter what kind of pinch I’ve been in and I just have to get over it. I understand about my Mom not wanting to watch my kids as she’s raised her own but I can’t even count how many times in the past 2 months she OFFERS and then goes MIA! I honestly don’t care as this is the first Summer my daughter and I’ve had to actually go do fun things and what not but I do feel for my child who’s always sad that she doesn’t see her Grandma.

My BD is still a raging piece of shit. He’s native american which means if I got my daughter registered, she would have a lot of benefits from that but he will not tell me which tribe she is or what I can do on my end to get her registered. She would be covered for health insurance, which he is supposed to have for her but hasn’t ever but will not help whatsoever. He hasn’t seen her in almost 2 months again. Her birthday was at the start of this month and didn’t hear from him until 6:30 when we were at her birthday party and got pissed that he wasn’t invited! Well, that is the ONE day out of the year that it’s not going to be all about him! He then messaged my friend on Father’s Day expecting to see her (for his own benefit of course) and I didn’t bother.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to handle all these difficult people so I choose to have very limited contact with them. I had one helluva stomach bug yesterday and spent much of the day camping out on the couch dying from the pain and didn’t even consider asking for help. I can promise that I could be on my death bed and no one would help, they never have. I’ve lost jobs and missed plenty of dr appointments and dentist appointments because no one will help and even if they say they will, they never show up.

It’s really hard to not have moments or even days where this doesn’t get to me. I know I handle it better now because my daughter is 4 and I’ve been dealing with this for so long and because I’m used to it but that doesn’t mean it’s okay. I shouldn’t have to do the work of 2 people by myself every fucking day when her ‘Dad’ lives 3 blocks away and doesn’t have a fucking job! He literally doesn’t pay CS, won’t help with any information so I can get her registered but I should worry about him seeing her on his terms? I have been the bigger person all this time where I’ve gone above and beyond for him to spend time with her by giving him rides to and from, letting him stay at my house against my better judgment, he’s stolen from me, I’ve fed him when he’s around, put up with the lies, excuses, and the chronic abuse and it hasn’t changed a damn thing!

I would absolutely love for someone to tell me what to do. All I can do is just try and find a job within my daughter’s school hours when she goes back in September. There will be no childcare after school, holidays, or weekends. I’m going to try and find a job that will be open to my very limited schedule but if I can’t find one, I’m probably going to work from home. I’m not really into the call center thing because of my ADHD but I want to work, I want to do something.

I have also spoken to CS because I don’t think it’s fair that he doesn’t help financially, mentally, or physically and because he hasn’t made a payment in over a month they will issue a warrant the first week of August. I just think it’s crap that it has to come down to putting him in jail to get him to pay! The main issue here is I won’t allow him to live in my home so that’s why he opted out again. He thought by watching her a couple of times that it would have gotten him on my good graces enough for me to decide him moving in was going to happen. The times he did take her it was like pulling teeth, even though it had been arranged days in advance. He had all kinds of excuses every time and that’s why I finally gave up.

He has seen her whether he’s paid CS or not and I’ve done NOTHING but take his abuse for 5 fucking years now. I’m honestly sick and tired of being the bigger person and I’m worried about child’s well being and the collateral damage it’s going to do by allowing him to sweep in and out when he wants. My older brother and my best friend think that it’s best for me to just allow the revolving door Daddy because it would make me look better if we ever went to court and it shows my daughter that I never kept her from him but I’m concerned about the damage this is going to end up doing too.

I love being with my child everyday but it would be great to get a break sometimes too. It’s not easy to make phone calls, fill out paperwork, go anywhere that involves a lot of waiting, but I have to do it everyday. I don’t get sick days or vacation. My Mom said the other day that ‘I signed up for this’ naw pretty sure no one signs up to be a single parent! But no one in my family has ever been a single parent so they don’t understand! Their opinions are based on ignorance!