Work in Phoenix Rises Again

I’m getting real tired of people at work looking at me with condescending eyes and talking to me in a completely asshole way. It’s not the patients. They are aight. It’s the nurses and other CNAs. I frequently get left alone on a hall that requires 2 people. I’ve had people leave for some dumbass reasons too. Today my coworker left because she wasnt feeling well. I tried to tell myself that maybe that’s why she was such a bitch yesterday. But it iant true. The patients tell me shes lazy and bitchy. Our two floats left early today too. So.... an hour from the end of my shift. I spilled urine all over myself emptying a catheter bag.

I asked to go home. Everything was essentially done for the night. They said no. They said that would be desertion. They said it’s a risk that comes with the job and I’m just lucky nobody died today. The nurse told me about having patients spit and vomit in his mouth. About being smeared with feces, about having a lugi hawked at him. None of this made me feel better. It was an overtime shift and I was crying. . . In front of the sext ass nurse I’m always ogling. Meanstwhile they all looked at me like I was crazy. I called the manager and she said I could go half an hour early, covered in dry piss that wasnt even mine. The looks I got on the way out were insane.

There are alot of shitty reasons to leave a job early, the other cnas have used them all without judgment. But then I have an actual biohazard situation and they look at me like a little bitch? Fucking done.

Supposed to go to church with a guy I met today. We will call him Eli. Not sure if I’m up for it. I know Eli is hoping we will turn into something more. I’m not entirely opposed if the feelings happen. But.... hes 25 and lives with his mom who pays for everything. Not exactly a great place to jump into an adult relationship. Hes a virgin. I dont bawk at that, but… for a guy that wants to be pegged it is a strange path of exploration. He wants to go into ministry but says he cant get hired without a wife and kids. I can completely see that from a fundamentalist church. Told him I’d be his fake wife and he could borrow my son, whod play along lol. As for actually being a minister’s wife, I’m not sure it’s in the cards for me.

Hope I get to see Wesley today. I need a hug. Dream of a kiss too, but that wont happen. Shouldnt anyway. I’ve got a cold sore forming.

Honest entry.