Things are okay. in Since OD is shutting down....

We just got back from Walmart a few minutes ago. I needed some dish soap and some food items. It’s not super hot today and it’s rained so pretty comfortable. I think my Mom is going to watch my kid tomorrow night so I can make some money for her birthday party that’s in a couple of weeks. I can’t believe how fast time goes these days once you have a kid. It makes me super sad but also very proud that my kid is so independent too.

I haven’t spoke to her Dad in about a month, again. He’s resorted to posting a selfie with our child on social media when I’ve repeatedly asked him not to as that’s violating her safety and privacy but he did it anyway because he’s hellbent to get attention any possible way he can. I asked him to watch her on the 4th, asked days in advance but when the day came, he told me that he was homeless and I knew I should have rescheduled my appointment and dealt with one helluva dumpster fire. He decided that because I wouldn’t let him move in or watch her at my house, then here came the name calling once more. I ended up blocking him just so that he would stop. He then got ahold of my friend on Father’s Day saying for me to get ahold of him as that’s ‘the least I could do’ and I didn’t bother to. Am I wrong for being upset that he didn’t watch her when I needed but then I should just spring into action so he could see her for Father’s day?!

It’s not enough that he doesn’t work so therefore I don’t get CS and he won’t watch her so that I’m able to work but then decides to call me a bunch of names to boot? Unreal. I have never seen a person this consumed in selfishness and hate but I need to just overlook ALL of his behavior when he decides he’d like to see her? I’m also really tired of how when he is around her all he does is take pictures and videos to convince everyone that he’s a really good Dad when he’s been absent 95% of her life!!

There’s also other issues that I refuse to tolerate. She’s at high risk for diabetes because of her weight and I’ve asked him a thousand times not to give her sweets but he thinks it’s okay because all of it is given to her by someone in his family! He doesn’t bother to tell them to stop and that’s putting my kid at risk for a deadly disease. I’ve had it for about 17 years and I wouldn’t ever want my child to have it. He also leaves her outside by herself and doesn’t believe that there’s anything wrong with that. This isn’t the best neighborhood and she’s 3 years old! He had her a couple of days and I said something about picking her up the next day to which he replied, “no, I’m keeping her” and it’s like okay we aren’t doing this shit! He lives in a place where he’s not even supposed to be with no AC, no washing machine, no microwave and every time he’s taken her, I’ve had to pack her plenty of food because he doesn’t have the means to feed her!

I have done nothing but tolerate his instability, mental/verbal abuse, his inconsistency, lies, excuses and complete chaos for so long that I honestly believe that until we go to court or do supervised visits, I don’t plan for him to see her anymore. I told him 3 months ago that this was his last chance and we still couldn’t make it work even when I just sit and take his bullshit! There’s been times where he’s agreed to seeing her and then go MIA for days at a time. He has very limited, conditional love for his child. It’s only used to his benefit and I can’t stand it anymore. He’s always had this issue of wanting to move in even though I’ve said no a thousand times and once he’s told no again, he goes absolutely bizzerk!

I honestly think his main mission is to try and get out of CS and he’s willing to do whatever it takes for that to happen. He’s talked about marriage too and then right after mentions CS and how they’ve threatened jail time! Well his best bet is just to fucking pay it! I am never marrying this guy and he’s never moving in. He said the other day for me to take him to court. Why would I do that? So I HAVE to hand my daughter over to someone that leaves her to play outside by herself?!

Moving on. So my Mom invited us for BBQ one day last week. Said to come around 4ish so we did. My Dad is always the one to cook the food and finally around 6pm my Mom asked him if he was going to cook and he said that he was just going to have his beer. Well, at this point I’m thinking we should have ate before showing up. Well he finally starts cooking and burnt the fucking burgers and hot dogs so I’m choking mine down and my daughter wouldn’t eat it at all which I could tell pissed him off but it was burnt to the point that it would have been eating a fucking piece of charcoal!

My Mom is still pretty wrapped up in his bullshit and the brainwashing. I have brought food out there the other day and he hurried up and put it away and there was no talk of it again. He’s done this shit so many times before because he’s selfish and greedy. Then, my daughter’s last birthday he decided we were going to sit and watch him chain smoke all day and then waited for him to give the okay for us to sing Happy Birthday, cut the cake and eat the ice cream THAT I FUCKING PAID FOR! Then, I get one little chunk of cake, no ice cream and he puts it away!

I literally fucking hate him. I can’t express my hatred and absolute disgust for this person and very irritated that he’s still around! He’s still really weird and inappropriate with my daughter. He’s either screaming at her and/or bitching about every fucking thing she does or he’s eyeing her body or staring between her legs. I am so tired of my Mom not taking any of this seriously and I just refuse to have my daughter around him. She invited us today for a BBQ but after what bullshit he pulled last time, I won’t be dealing with it again.

So the other day my Mom decides that she wanted to get a couple of kittens. I was totally about it because I have cats and absolutely love them. Well, she got a black/white kitten and one that’s completely black. I call him Cool. My daughter was holding Cool when my Dad decided to yank the kitten out of her hands which of course she got upset and starting crying. My Dad literally HATES cats so I think he just wanted my daughter to get upset and thought it was fun to tease her! Then he says to her, “don’t be a baby” to which I replied, “no we don’t talk to her like that because it’s abuse” and he got up and walked away. Like Jesus Christ, he’s 64 years old and still acts like a fucking child!!

I truly am concerned for his mental state and I’m not going to have my daughter around a fucking creep! We have since taken the kitten as he’s super small and I was concerned that my Mom’s dog was going to hurt him because he’s tiny. I just don’t enjoy being at their house because I have to constantly worry about how he’s treating my kid and try to correct him without him getting loud and scary.

Anyways, time to get some dinner cooked.