Follicles. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

So, I was taking my morning “quick shower”, though it ended up not being a quickie. Even if I don’t sweat at night, something about a two minute shower before getting dressed feels nice. Genitals aside, I noted I should shave my face.

I’ll try not to rant too much about facial hair(A). Unless it’s a goatee or a deliberate beard, facial hair sucks. I personally can’t pull off a mustache, but aesthetically and the physical sensation. Seriously, the sensation of those whiskers touching my upper lip ANNOYS ME. (If I ever expect a kiss in my future, I consider it polite to shave the mustache stubble and soul patch area. If it bugs me, I can only fathom how my female partners feel.)

It’s a matter of upkeep. Somewhere by the week mark of not shaving, I can’t just shave my face in one swipe per area. Somewhere past a week, I have to use my buzzer, because just using a mach3 will take too frakking long.

When I was in my mid/late teens, I used to shave my armpits. Boys typically have more body hair than girls - why isn’t the paradigm of girls pressured to shave reversed? But, that’s not my point. Why I started shaving my pits is similar to how I got into shaving my genitals.

My pits reeked. I know I have streaks of laziness, but I wasn’t lazy about showering when I was a teen. I was growing my hair out, and really enjoyed washing it. Guys with short hair probably don’t know the feeling of your hair hanging out in front, flipping it back, and then water sticks to the ceiling of the shower area. And then, the water cools slightly and drips on you.

Nobody talks about the cold hairwater droplets.

Anyway, I would wash my pits multiple times in the shower. I even resorted to using washcloths sometimes. You know what would happen?

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?

Of course.

The washcloths would end up smelling like teenage boypit. It was gross as hell.

Now, I buy into the science that normal pits smell better than hairless pits, but at this time in my life, well. I took it upon myself to start shaving my pits. Problem solved. Took under a minute of upkeep every shower. This lasted roughly from 16 to 21. (I know it ended after the fallout with Paige. Hygiene was bare minimum - I stopped shaving everything, and never took up shaving my pits ever again.)

I’ve never actually taken a ruler to my pubic hair, but I’d swear some reach over 2 inches. Maybe even three. (Did you know that the reason some pubic hair is curly is because it is flatter rather than round? Consider how ribbon curls.) So, again, I was a teenager. And I could NOT get my pubic hair clean. Wash, rinse, repeat. Multiple times.

There were these hairs towards the rear of my scrotum that had gunk on them. That I know the location so specifically shows how much it IRKED ME GREATLY. So… I started with my scrotum. And I didn’t know where to stop. Mind you, this was my first time, so it didn’t even occur to me to take some scissors to pare it down. So, scrotum shorn, I had these massive bush on my pubis. So.... I ended up shaving it all off.

Problem solved.

You could argue I was subconsciously inspired by recreational arousing media, but I don’t think so. Such medium wasn’t as graphic as it is now.

I have no idea if The Problem of Dirty Pubes would reoccur, as I’ve been shaving seasonally ever since. (Sometimes all-year-long.) As in, never had fully grown pubes for long enough to know. Both my beard and bush are very water absorbent Kind of irks me sometimes. At least when shorn, I can towel-dry and then stand in front of a fan.

Much like the face, upkeep is about every 2-3 days. By the week mark, it takes more than a single pass. And longer than that, well. I can’t easily take a buzzer to my genitals to speed things up.

Due to my Indian(2) lineage, I don’t have a lot of body hair. (IT APPARENTLY CENTERS AROUND MY GENITALS.) I barely have any armhair. I’ve met girls with more leghair than me, easily(D). I’m otherwise indifferent to my leghair. I’ve shaved it twice in my life. Once, on a whim. It was a December. I definitely felt a chill on my legs despite wearing pants.

Other time, I wanted to wear a dress to a Halloween party. In both cases, sheesh, took me over an hour to do both legs. If I ever want my legs smooth in the future, I’ll just get them waxed. I have two tattoos and I’ve gotten my armpits/chest waxed before - feels like a slight rugburn that passes quickly. Tattoos feel like A NEEDLE JABBING YOU REPEATEDLY. Do not understand those that claim tattoos don’t hurt.

Otherwise, I don’t have a knowledge base of the upkeep frequency or time involved for smooth legs.

Let’s see…

I think that covers this for now, until I feel like repeating myself. Heh. I’m not redundant, I’m consistent!

A: I always shave my face, and everything else, in the shower. If I try shaving my face at the sink, the follicles are too dry. It ends up hurting a lot, and I end up bleeding.

2: Indian, as in India

D: Though, that does softly correlate with PCOS.