Life is Funny in Journal

DH has been resisting my insistence on doing therapy. He can’t seem to criticize anyone except himself. He doesn’t see the benefit in doing therapy or putting in the work. Trying to feel his feelings leads to unpleasant and often extremely painful experiences. So he resists. I mean, of course. Why do something that is hard and unpleasant?
But, yesterday he yelled at me.
Apparently he hit the boiling over point. The mortgage didn’t go through and we have to pay almost double down on the new house, and he accidentally spilled that we deposited cash into our account to our loan officer. Which, is a huge no-no in terms of getting a loan bc they want an airtight seal of traceability. So, DH thought he’d ruined any chances of getting the mortgage at all. He called me to complain, distraught.
“Why did you say that?” I asked, perplexed. It was a simple question, and I was genuinely curious. “Do you really want this house?”
And, he blew up. “OF COURSE I WANT THIS!” he yelled “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE ACCUSING ME OF SABOTAGE!” and it continued, but I told him, “you’re yelling,” and “okay, I’m going to hang up now” and I did.
And, I think, all of a sudden it became clear to DH why therapy and feeling your feelings is necessary.
Maybe it wasn’t right of me to ask that question. Maybe it was wrong. Maybe. I don’t know. But I’m not willing to yell and shout or use intimidation or aggressive tactics to force my position. Even if I know I’m right, I still would never do those things. Because… if I’m right, the truth upholds itself. And if I’m wrong… then I’m just an asshole for yelling.
I think what he wanted from me was comfort and reassurance. Which I am fine and willing to give, but I think it was not appropriate or good to give that to him. He complains that I don’t agree with his side a lot. But I don’t necessarily disagree. I just want to know more. I acknowledge his experience and then I ask “Is it true?”
Of course. What else can I do? I cannot accept at face value what a blind person thinks the color of his own eyes are. So I ask, “How do you know?” “Is that true?” “What is the evidence for that?”
And… obviously this is very inflammatory to many people. Almost all people. It seems like a foundational distrust. It seems like an undermining of their experience. It may even seem like an attack on their very person.
But, I assure you that it is not.

Philosophical relationships are hard. I don’t claim to being enlightened, at all, or even good at it. The basics are pretty simple. Just incredibly difficult to practice.
It requires being real and honest about your own position and still being curious about the other. Still be curious about ME, perhaps even more important. Emotions are empirical. But stories are not. And there is a hell of a lot of propaganda rolling around in our consciousness.