Whinings From A Useless Lump. in The Everyday (A Diary Of Sorts)

This week has been a total waste; I haven't done a single thing all week except be sick. I think it's on account of the antibiotics I've been taking to make sure the infection in my arm doesn't come back. The antibiotic I've been taking twice a day is very potent and the side effects are just as strong and noticeable. Upset stomach and feeling tired all the time are the most common ones I felt this week. Along with those I've been spending a lot of time in the bathroom throwing up and doing other disgusting things that I will not talk about here. I'm sure you're thanking me for that.

I know this is not my best writing, for which I apologize, but I haven't been in such a great mood today and I really don't feel like trying to live up to some of the great authors. I could of course, discuss my bathroom activities, which I suppose would make for a good Stephen King thriller. Then again, I've never liked Stephen King all that much. Too much terror. I don't need to have nightmares. I have enough going on right now. Feh.

I have felt useless, for myself and anyone else. I don't like this feeling.

I keep telling myself this too shall pass, and I've been spending as much time as possible trying to find the silver lining in this dark cloud, but none seems to be present.

It's depression. I know it is.

And on top of all that, there's this insect flying around annoying me, trying to eat me alive all by itself. Because of the cat I won't use bug spray to get rid of it, but I have to get rid of it somehow.

Whine whine whine, is that all I can do? Right now, it seems so. No you don't have to whine with me, as my misery does not need company. I just want to be left alone. Go away world, just go away.

I guess there is one bright spot in all this. On Monday and Wednesday, dialysis went very well. I managed to behave myself concerning my fluid intake, so they didn't have to take a lot off of me. Therefore, dialysis was a piece of cake both days. I hope tomorrow is the same.

As good as that is, it doesn't suffice for a Silverlining. I'm still looking for that.

Mind you, I don't need anyone to sympathize with me. What I really need is someone to make me laugh. Please, someone tell me something hilarious. After all, laughter often does a world of good. I know it works for me.

What would help even more is if I felt less useless. That would be a good thing too. I like being productive.

Eventually, I once again will be. Until then, I am a lump, waiting to laugh.