A few things.. in The day to day

Closing in on 30 days of the divorce being filed, which means only 30 more until I get the divorce decree! Pretty super excited about it to be honest. Maybe then I can finally focus on me for a change. I really need to make some changes health wise so hopefully that will become a good focus for me.

Let’s see, the boys were with their dad last weekend. And for the first time since September, I was able to visit my grandmother in her assisted living home. In September we had to meet outside, wear masks, and be over 6 feet apart. Couldn’t hug her or anything. Was hard for her to hear with our masks on. This time I was actually able to go into her room and take my mask off since we are both fully vaccinated. And I got to hug her! It was the best day. I only stayed a little over an hour as I could tell she was getting worn out. It has been really hard for her this past year. Not understanding why they couldn’t have visitors. They themselves were sequestered in their own rooms for awhile at the height of the pandemic. She lost her daughter in November. My dad is the only child of hers still alive. Her other daughter passed 3 years ago. Needless to say it has been tough not being able to see her and for her to understand everything going on. She only repeated herself a few times while I was there which was good too.

That same weekend was my daughter’s birthday. She would have turned 9 this year. It is so hard to imagine what she would be like if she were still alive. I caught myself imagining what I would buy for her in the toddler section at Target the other day, only to realize that if she were here she would be in the big girl section. Next month will be 8 years since she passed. This time of year is hard for me. But she usually gives a sign that she is around and that is always comforting. Our keypad to get in the building at work started going off the other day. That is usually one of her signs. I know skeptics would be like how do you know it’s not just malfunctioning? It only does it right around her birthday. No other time. One year at our other building at work, my boss called me into the office to look at the camera system. In the one year old room, there appeared to be a butterfly flying around. The camera was in IR mode as the lights were off and it was still dark outside. I went in the room and turned on the light and saw nothing. Went back to the camera system and it was there again. It was my daughter’s birthday that day and the room the butterfly was in, was the room A went to.

I met my ex at the cemetery to decorate our daughter’s grave. We do it every year on her birthday. He brought the boys so they could come back with me. He had sent me a text earlier mentioning that we needed to see about switching the weekends they were on, because there was issues with her kids being there at the same time. This was brought up a few weeks ago, but I was annoyed that I would have to switch them when we’ve been on the same schedule since we’ve been separated. Come to find out at Christmas time her ex kept their kids an extra weekend, which unfortunately ended up putting all our kids on the same rotation. Meaning they were all there on the same weekends. B does NOT like her kids at all. A tries to play with her son but I think gets bullied by him a little bit. Anyway, that weekend her son told A to go kill himself. And in retaliation, B broke the little shits headphones. I admit I laughed when my ex told me that. B doesn’t do much. So for him to take up for his little brother was a big deal. My ex said he didn’t think her ex would agree to let her keep her kids two weeks in a row so that they would be on opposite weekends again. That means we have to switch which weekends our kids are on.

Starting this weekend I will be keeping them two weekends in a row, and then we will rotate again so that my kids do not have to deal with her demon hell spawn. I have to say I asked my ex about the daughter. I said the kids don’t complain about her much. He said that’s because she keeps her gated in her room. When she wakes up in the morning, she gets her a bowl of cereal and her tablet and leaves her to go back to bed. I told him that one of the kids told me she was complaining about it being to early for them to be making noise one day and it was 11 o’clock in the morning. He said, “Yeah she does that all the time. She will sleep until 1 pm.” He was telling me a little bit more and then said, “But you don’t want to hear about my problems, because I’m sure you’re like ‘Well it’s your fault you are in that situation’.” And I immediately agreed with him. But also told him it’s not like he can’t change his situation. He can’t come back to me. But he certainly doesn’t have to keep a relationship going with her. She’s a real winner let me tell ya.

I suppose that is all the updates I have right now. Looking forward to summer and getting out and doing more!