Harder than it should be? in Second 1st

I had to leave work early yesterday. It was too much. I hate leaving work early far more than I hate calling out. There is so much direct guilt I put on myself. Facing Kevin telling him why I need to leave is like confronting the almost daily issues. Pain, nausea, dizziness and exhaustion making it impossible to concentrate. “Be careful on the way home.” Then there is facing whomever comes to take my place “Hope you feel better.” and feeling guilty because I can’t do my job. Knowing I will feel better but I won’t always feel better. I will make it home but I need to stay.

I called out this morning because it wasn’t much better. Called in 17 hours for FMLA. That’s much easier to do when I don’t have to talk to anyone at 4-7am.... sometime in there. They have you leave Name, company, claim #, date and hours on a machine if you call when they aren’t open. If you wait till they are it’s all that plus DOB, address, ask 2 different times about date you called out for and hours.... I’d rather talk to no one than talk to someone who does not pay attention to the words coming out of my mouth.

I didn’t do anything this morning.... napped in my chair.... watched people on twitch. My brain has so much fog it hurts.

Thought about it.... checked my last paycheck. I’ve got 8 hours PTO. Messaged Kevin (around noon) “Hey, today is not going all that well. I’ve got some PTO time. Could I use 4 hours of that tomorrow before vacation time starts and just not come in at all?” About 30 mins later .... my guess is after checking the PTO time and verifying the vacation. “Yes you can.” “Let me do that then and I’ll see you the 29th.”

So I’m on vacation early. Time for beloved music I haven’t heard in awhile and naps. I’ll work on listing things tomorrow.... 5 a day will have this pallet almost finished by the time I go back to work. I just can’t bring myself to do much of anything today. I missed eating at 9.... was late with lunch too.... felt it. I’ve eaten and feel a bit better, could still use a nap.

I’m gonna do that now.... because I have no reason not to.