What a day! in 1st

For those of you who have read about Jim in my journal on OD you are miles ahead of anyone else who might read this. Long story short about Jim is that we have history and have loved each other but it always fell apart for one reason or another, now we both have our own lives but I still think about the what could have been and all the things I shouldn't.

Today I checked my fb and there was a message from him asking how I was and if he could borrow 20 bucks. After messages back and forth it was really 80 he needed for some pain medication. Reluctant as I can be to loan money to "friends" especially the ones who don't hardly talk to me I found myself more than ready to GIVE him 80. He added me to his fb friends list finally (along with 8 others) saying he didn't know why I wasn't on there and he was sick of it. I reminded him that his wife forbid it....he managed to get sent out for groceries while Rocky was engrossed in video games so we had some chit chat time alone. I gave him the letter he wrote that reminds me he loved me. To remind him I will always be here if he needs me. It went well. A bit heavy, he is very sick. Had caner in his mouth, they think they have been able to remove it all. He has internal bleeding in his intestines from some meds they had him on (he says) a and will be having surgery next month to remove 3 feet of it. He leaned on a cart sweating up a storm the whole time we walked around Walmart. He's getting on disability because he can no longer work and looks like a wreck. He talked of death and I nearly cried. How would I ever know? When asked he said that because I was on his fb now that I would know. Yeah okay, that doesn't make me feel any better.....at least I got rid of that damn reminder.