just a drop in Second 1st

I’m sorry, I’m always sorry for not keeping up. It’s been almost a month since the last entry. We’d had some bad weather and we’d been off that whole week. Well, between running out of parts and the week off for weather they have decided we need to work every day aside from Sunday. With Sunday being the only day (sort of) I’ve not been inclined to write an entry. It’s been more about catching up on things I need like making sure lunches get made for the week and just trying to get in some relax time.

That being said since they’ve adopted this “work everyone to death” program I’ve not worked a full week. At least once a week the dizziness and migraines will be bad enough to call out. I spend most of that day trying to chill out. I feel so helpless.

I called and made an appointment to talk to Dr. Watford about taking a once a month shot. I emailed him about the appointment suspecting that the person in scheduling did not make any notes as to what the appointment would be about. Glad I did because he doesn’t do the dang shot anyway.... and apparently I need to be evaluated to see if I can even take it. I’ve now got to wait for Watford to refer me..... as well as the DR. he want’s to send me to doesn’t have a spot till May (and probably July by the time Watford gets the referral in). All in all it still may do nothing for the dizziness so I’m not sure it will be all that worth it anyways. That’s my biggest issue. Even when my head is in pain and light/moving hurts it seems like it wouldn’t be as bad if I wasn’t so damn dizzy. I’m so tired of this.

This is why I randomly avoid entries.... just typing that out and I’m crying..... moving on

Rocky said last night “If you stay home tomorrow there is a grocery pick up at 9.” .... It was just as confusing last night as it is now. I mean how would he know if I was home? What time is he getting up? If he made the pickup for 9 then he should be getting up to get it himself but if he hears me of sees any light through the bottom of the door he will assume I’ll go get it? ..... I will but .... whatever. We’ve been playing a new GPS game on our phones and I’ll leave way earlier to get some thing to eat and play for a bit before the pick up. Might stay out longer depending out what’s in the order and if I can get what I want to get done before I go get it.

That’s the thing about it. I still have to do normal things.... I want to crawl back into bed and just not wake.... ever.

Pick ups avoid the annoying “I need the cart” moments. Since before being diagnosed with Meniere’s I’ve needed the cart for stability, because of the dizziness. With Rocky’s chest.... he always needs the cart and I find it embarrassing to walk around with 2 carts if you aren’t buying a ton of food. I’m also not ready for a motorized cart. So usually when we get groceries now I just wobble behind him. Also, he parks in the middle of the damn isle ALL the time. I’d much rather go by myself or make an order. Orders are easier as we are less likely to forget things. However, there have been a few times when we made an order, picked it up, and had to go out again before the end of the day. Discovering that an item that was “out of stock” was available. So annoying.

That week off really screwed money up. I have to remember that none of that is my fault that honestly if it went so far that we had to sell the van.... or even if we are late on something. That’s on Rocky because he’s still not working. We knew I had issues when he quit so any money issues are on him. I’m trying.

I had to call out a day 2 weeks ago and I cried because I felt like I let him down. With the week off we had to take more money out of savings to make house note. With the overtime I’m trying to put it back but each day I’m out is more money I can’t put back. I’m trying to get over it. I’m trying to place the blame where it goes. By the way things still aren’t even late. This is just the way I am. I don’t know what I’m going to be like when they are late.

Time to get on with my day. I’ve got stuff to do before the pick up.