Turned into a letter of thanks/complaint in Second 1st

Yesterday being home I was full of emotions and questions. Luckily I have Destiny to unload on. Being so far apart we don’t effect each others lives and honestly that can be a good thing.

To the girl who loves to love, I appreciate your anger. I really do. This is not sarcasm. This keeps me aware of part of something that’s wrong with me. Points out the things I know I should honestly be angry about. Lack of confidence.... lack of the feeling I deserve better.... fear of failure.... I wish these weren’t reasons on my list of why I don’t fight harder.... more… I love you for your to the point, wake up comments that say all but “damn your dumb” lol. I need those. I know how I do things is not how I need to do things. The things you point out I’m always already bothered by I’m just not sure at what point I need to start an argument over something.

We never argue because I’m always right. It’s not that I think I’m right and I’m an dick about it.... it’s the fact that I’m am right....

Like if I point out that the dishes haven’t gotten done in a couple days and I need them done. None of that is opinion. They literally haven’t been done and my little lunch trays are in there and I need them done. Likely I’ve worked all week and I am not touching them because I promise I have much more needed things to do with my time.

Things are piling up quickly. Rocky still hasn’t started twitch.... I made him a instruction sheet for how to list items for pallets and he hasn’t even tried. At one point it was because all my accounts were associated with my phone and I need that BUT since getting a new phone they are also on the old iPhone (as well as the one I have on me all the time) which is always at home.

Every once in awhile I start thinking about what could be causing “breathing issues” he’s been having. It’s been so long.... I always worry about his CPAP machine causing things to get worse than they are. Would that do it? .... well not on it’s own but if it went uncleaned..... and it does. That is something from day one I told him he’d be dealing with. It needs to be cleaned once a week, filter changed once a month blah blah blah stuff I know without reading the instructions and only mild research. I would swear he’s cleaned it twice in the year (at least) that he’s had it.

I feel like I nit pick. That these aren’t things to fight over AND THEY ARE! They are brag out punch down reasons all 3..... but

I don’t have the energy that would take. To what result? to be alone..... and would that be so bad .... not like I haven’t done it before .... not like I’m not doing it now. I am alone with a kid currently.....

Time for work. I am finishing a cup of coffee I shouldn’t be drinking because the brain fog is so painful? .... not sure how to explain it. It’s clearing now and I know I’ll have to pay for it later but I’ll deal with it then. I can’t call out again today. I need to catch some of this OT. Today is straight pay because I called out yesterday. .... I need today and tomorrow..... time to get to it.