Gosh I've Missed This Place! in Just in Case

I keep thinking about this place and writing, but for some reason I always find an excuse not to. I don’t even remember where my life was the last time I wrote. About 2 years ago, after giving up the rental because it was unlivable, and spending the school year with a dear friend and her family, I moved back home. The plan was to help my dad settle into a new routine with Mama being in the nursing home. (She has been diagnosed with dementia). My family doesn’t know, but I had found a piece of land and started the process of buying it, and was shopping for a manufactured home. Then I quickly realized my dad needed more support than I had first realized. Cooking, taking care of paying his bills, and just keeping him from being lonely. He really missed Mama. Last summer he brought her home, and I knew I was here for the long run. Her dementia has advanced. Every person is different with it. She remembers Daddy and me, but so many things are so hard for her now. I have to explain how to swallow her pills. She put toothpaste in her hair the other day. She’s lost 45 pounds in about 4 months because she just doesn’t eat. Today she ate about 3 small pieces of cantaloupe and about a tablespoon of ice cream. She sleeps a lot, too. Watching your mom, who has always been the strongest person you know, and the glue of your family deteriorate to the point of trying to sit on the trash can to use the bathroom is f*cking hard. Doing it alone guts me. Daily. My sister calls from time to time, and if I give her enough notice, she might agree to drive them to a doctor’s appt. (My school has been AMAZING this year. They never hesitate when I take off to take them to their appointments. And somehow voted me as teacher of the year. I broke down and cried to my principal that I wanted to give the award to one of the other candidates, because to me, this was my worst year yet.)
I haven’t had a regular doctor in years, but there’s a clinic that our school insurance covers fully. I’ve used them several times and really like the nurse practitioner there, so she’s now my doctor. I went to her with my wrist/thumb (carpal tunnel) and during that check up, she innocently asked about anything else and I fell apart. I explained some of what was going on. She mentioned therapy, but I don’t like talking about it all (which is probably why I haven’t written.)
So, before this turns into a rambling, self-pity party, I’m going to go see if my internet will hold up and let me catch up on some of y’all!!