Sleep Tracking 2-27-21 in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

Was latently sobbing until around 5 pm yesterday. I think that was when it softly subsided. Barely ate. No appetite. I believe around 400 calories.

Went to bed at 11:30 pm. Got up at 7:45 am. Took my concert of zinc, magnesium, b-complex, 2m melatonin, and 1 zzzquil.

I was awake through at least 5:30 am. Probably later. Six hours of just laying in bed. Somehow didn’t reach the point of pure boredom. Between random thoughts, mind was playing random songs from Pandora. Unintentional - didn’t even listen to music yesterday. This is why I avoid music at times.

Mood was okay at bed while trying to sleep. Still twitchy, but not as much as last night. Hairs raising across the body occasionally. And a rare full-body spasm.

When I finally slept, it was like going straight into REM sleep. Three dream sequences. One inspired by Good Girls, but it was weird. Blonde lead was holding a metal barrel in a room with Rio’s girlfriend, apparently having trashed the place. I was doing this circle-pan around them. Second, some party in what looked like my childhood backyard. Guy kept hogging the game control “I still have the game controller.” He got pissy with me, tried to kick me, so I grabbed his leg and throw him against a wall. He did this again, and I slammed him against one wall and then straight into other.

But the first dream. There’s someone in front of me. I think female. Felt fine in the dream. An angry snarling dog approaches from behind me. He’s barking at her. I can read into that rather easily.

Probably will take more zzzquil tonight. Getting under 90 minutes of sleep isn’t going to cut it. And laying in bed all night eventually gets BORRRRRRING. And yes, I’ll try to eat more today, but I have been not hungry at all lately. X-factor is mid=day sleepiness. Napping, I get sleep. But if I nap, I won’t sleep at tonight. Gotta stay awake, ironically.

Maybe I should try a nightlight. Gosh, that sounds so infantile.

The last entry (filtered) had some really scary thoughts. Did some reflecting yesterday, naturally. Those seven hours in bed gripped with sadness felt like an emotional rock bottom. This is partially because there was no reason, no trigger, no catalyst. And I worry about if I have another episode that is worse. Because usually there’s some sort of fight left in me, even if it is 5%.

Spirit, hope, and motivation felt like 0%.

Sigh. Hope today isn’t as boring as I worry it will be. 13 hours left before I can consider sleeping. Going to be a long day.