Rejection. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

This whole concept of cutting off contact with “toxic” people is a load of steaming cow dung. I’m tired of seeing these posts on facebook.

Toxic is an overused word.

In high school, I had a guy throw an apple in my direction. He later asked for a ride home. And apologized.

Now, what would have happened if I simply cut communication with him? I would never have known.

I have been raped - not a secret. Have I contacted him since? Nope. Has he tried to contact me? Yes. Have I responded? Nope.

Ah, but that line of communication is still there. If I blocked him, I wouldn’t be able to curse him out in an articulate treatise that would go over his head. I’ll get there eventually.

I understand walking away from relationships. Walking away from friendships.

But all contact?

Come on, grow a pair of balls. Yes, you girls, too. Girls have the biggest balls of them all.

See, what does it teach me when you simply leave without any way to contact you?

It teaches me that a part of you is an asshole.

It teaches me that you didn’t care about me as much as you said you did.

It teaches me that I am “too much”.

Oh, there is a time and a place for various conversation. But I think we can all agree it is a wonderful feeling when we feel we can open up, remove the head-censors, and simply be ourselves. No filter.

And to feel you can open up, really open up, and then be rejected and completely shunned, it is a soul-crushing feeling.

I’m thinking of more distant past Terrans. But, I shall recount something that happened more recently. A friend, J. We have been chatting a lot online. Now, as per a lot of my entries, no secret I get flirty at times. I don’t always mean to, and sometimes don’t even know I do it.

She communicated to me to tone it down with her.

And so I have. Quite simple. She communicated her boundary, and I listened, and am doing my best to respect it.

Let’s go further back. Recounted this story a lot. The time I made V feel unsafe around me in a public space. I felt terrible. I felt TERRIBLE. I hurt someone I care about.

What would have happened if she cut me out of her life completely? What would I have learned?

I would not have learned why what I did was so harming to her. (I know now.)

It took weeks and longer. I was able to build trust back up with V. It took a lot of work on my end. She was/is able to feel safe around me. We are still in contact.

You call us toxic. Well, maybe some of us have a moment of Hagrid and feel “I really shouldn’t have said that.” We screw up and make mistakes. Maybe a simple course-correction is necessary. Maybe we need some hard truth. But just not speaking at all doesn’t help.

[And yes, I acknowledge that there are truly guys/girls that deserve to have their balls cut off and rot in hell for being truly evil.]

But tossing around the term “toxic” casually? Bugger off you snot rocker.

Fuck the toxic culture of calling people toxic.