The Evolution of BIGGAYDAN. in The Official BIGGAYDAN Archive.

This actually isn’t a story, but another one of my emotional, personal, and philosophical explorations where I’m not quite sure what I’m going to write. Always fun when you’re not quite sure what you’re about to write. Chaptering/booking/filing this with the stories simply because BIGGAYDAN is important to me.

Isn’t he important to you?

As a writer, I feel that for you to write a character, you have to be them. I know some writers who do a lot of research to try to get historical details right. Cool for them. Not really my style. At most, my research involves making sure my spelling is right. It’s okay to forget how to spell - the greater fool is he who doesn’t realize he spelled something wrong.

In my first novel NaNoWriMo novel, I created the character of Lisa. She’s the little sister I never had. As the writing process is condensed, a lot of my headspace was devoted to Lisa. To the point where she took over the story for long stretches. I was so emotionally invested in her that I was even having dreams about her, as if she actually exists.

Lisa is kind, wise-beyond-her-years, and oddly loyal to her brother. Long curly black hair.

No secret I’m emotionally invested in mofoing TINA. Like most of my characters, I put her in a wide variety of situations to see how she would respond. I’m aware not everyone can do this, but I don’t always plan resolutions to plot. I like to shove characters in situations and let THEM tell me how they will respond. I don’t tell them what to do. They tell me how they’re going to handle a situation, whether whimsical, challenging, or dire.

Tina is brash and brave. She shoots her mouth off, and tries to hide when she is feeling afraid.

This also involves Alice. She’s not something typed out in a story. But, she’s a character, a persona. I was in a dark place and I needed a soft, soothing voice to tell me everything was going to be okay. That this would pass, that I endure. A relaxing voice to tell me that she loved me.

Obviously I’m starting to 86 the idea that I have a split personality.

I feel Alice is an expression of the self-love I needed so desperately.

Wanna know something else? Of course you do, you’re reading. When I was a teenager, I tried to “name” all of my emotions/traits. Some named after friends. Obviously my logical side was named Spock. Not sure if I have the physical list in my writing archives. Doesn’t matter, as those names didn’t stick at all.

Off the keyboard or scrap of paper, consider real friends you know. At some point, you know your friends so well that you know what they are probably thinking. You share numerous inside jokes. You get in each other’s heads. Oh sure, sometimes you’ll ask questions just to see if you can guess their response. But I don’t need to be a mind-reader to know my wife likes tea at random.

You know Bernie Sanders is going to support the proletariat class, and bash the MILLIONAIRES AND BILLIONAIRES. You know someone in Florida is going to do something that will make you scratch your head. You that if a tree falls in the woods, it will make a sound. You know James Hetfield is going to write another amazing song. You know Betty White is immortal.

Long live the Queen.

It’s a matter of social osmosis. Spend enough time around some bikers, and you’ll pick up their social cues and lingo. Spend enough time around me and learn a few things about this olde television show called Star Trek. Spend enough time in Mexico, and you’ll learn Spanish. Spend enough time around toxic individuals and you may accidentally emulate them. Spend enough time around a vegan, and you’ll learn some of their dishes. Spend enough around a tacos, and you find yourself eating more tacos.

See, I was reflecting on my recent BIGGAYDAN adventure. And the evolution of him as a character in general. He started off as a joke. And sure, there are whimsical moments now and then. But he’s not quite a joke anymore.

He’s the reluctant hero. He can demonstrate feats of physical strength. He’s physically aggressive, and capable of vehement uncontrolled anger. Don’t forget BIGGAYDAN Strikes Back, when he murders all of my friends (in comical fashion). He is over-the-top in almost all of his depictions.

And gee, doesn’t that sound like a part of someone you know?

I’m the kind of writer that writes from himself. Thus: I am Alice. I am Lisa. I am Tina. I am BIGGAYDAN, and so many more, all under the umbrella of some bag of mostly water named Timmy.

I’m expressing this because I’ve always felt shame over any times I feel mad or uncontrollably angry. Full well knowing that anger is an emotion just like any other emotion, and I know I shouldn’t feel shame over it.

But, BIGGAYDAN doesn’t care. He doesn’t feel shame over being angry. He feels that when he’s angry, he deserves to be angry. And notice that through all his depictions, he’s the protagonist. He’s the good guy. If he is angry or upset, he is justified.

He even shows forgiveness. He’s willing to stand up to Timmy, as Dan knows his own worth. And he’s also willing to help Timmy if Timmy needs it. Having his persona/character inside me, on standby, is a good thing. Without him and everything he represents, I wouldn’t be emotionally whole or have all the facets of my personality.

For a final Trek reference: I don’t want my BIGGAYDAN taken away, I NEED my BIGGAYDAN.

Last updated February 05, 2021