Never Have I Ever in meh...

Never have I ever loved someone like this.
Not the love itself, the person.
Flaws are plenty and I recognize that there are some things unmanageable, but somehow I’m here and I’m stuck.

We argue like world war 3. I grab weapons both verbal and physical, but that’s just for show. He loves that I would actually fight him but he never raises a hand to me. He calls me a natural born killer.

Never have I ever care about someone who needed this kind of fixing. I have prayed to God, screaming for a way out because those world war 3 fights are out of character for me. He is use to a specific type of person and I’m not that. I told him early on I am a different breed.

He drains me. Some days I hate to see him coming. On the days he is himself, the man I met, I realize why I let him stay, though I give him options to leave. “You mean the world to me. Everything to me. I fucks with you. Wherever I go, you go. I got you.” He doesn’t have shit, but would give me the world.

Never have I ever been this stupid before. I’ve been stupid, but at no risk. This love is gut check time for me. I can’t explain how, it just…is.

I am still pursuing God. As is he…on the days he doesn’t call himself God with the small g. He dragged me to his church on Sunday and that sermon was for him, for us. Most sermons I’ve been listening to lately, seem to be either for him or about us. “God is trying to tell you something.” My mind is open and receptive to the divine spirit…

Sister has checked out y’all. smh
Maybe I think the world is ending and exploding and I’m going to experience what I can. I don’t really know anymore. I can’t rightfully say I’m in love with him, but, in this crazy ass backwards way, I love him. I do love with him.

Pray for me…

Kindest regards,
Sister