Stuffz in Hello

Need to lay off Reddit. The justice boner I have from reading about Wallstreetbets raping hedge funds out of billions because of Game Stop stocks only leaves me so much blood to run the rest of my body.

I twisted, turned or sat up funny today and my lower back hasn’t let me forget it everyone I stand up. I remember back in ‘15 I had a physical for a job that fell through. The nurse doing the examination noticed my flat feet and commented that I would have back and hip problems later in life. Needless to say she wasn’t shocked when I said I had been having them for a few years at that point.

I’ve kicked around the idea of applying for disability more and more as the months go by. Peacock (we’re still…I don’t know) is all for it yet mom keeps getting pissed when I bring it up.

Yes, I graduated college.

Yes, I’ve had some good paying jobs.

The only way I handled the stress so much before is that I’ve got liquor in me and a sharp blade in my hands.

She went on to tell me that back in the day only people who were crazy got on disability. I honestly wanted to slap the shit out of her. Really? Talk to ANYONE who knows me and they’ll say she’s the one that’s nuts for thinking I’m anything next to normal. I’ve already accepted the fact I’m going to be on some form of medication the rest of my life. No amount of therapy will cure half the neurosis’ I’ve had since I was a kid. I’m not trying to complain like some petulant whiney child, straight up.
I! CAN’T! FUCKING! SIT! STILL!
Don’t know if it’s the ADHD or Tourette’s but the Paxil helps some to relax me, but I still feel like I’m wound too damned tight. This is why I love pot so much. Basically it tells my brain to shut up for an hour or two. Peacock gets pissed saying I smoke too much. Yeah? I still maintained a job and got my “adult” tasks achieved.
I guess right now I feel like a howler monkey shrieking into the jungle at nothing.
Source of that last line:
https://theoatmeal.com/comics/bobcats_thursday

Speaking of weed, my dope man has gotten sketchy and I don’t like it. We’ve been friends for seven years but through the m
Slew of gf’s he’s had and his…roommates?…he’s started fucking around with meth. Back in the day, before I met him, he bartended a gay club and sometimes his tips were little baggies of the shit. It’s how he got hooked. I’m sure getting off of that was Hell but seeing him on like three days no sleep, yeah no thanks. So! Peacock’s mom told us about Delta 8 vape cartridges. Has THC in it, and through some legal loop hole I can buy it here in any vape shop. $20 for one of these last a week to week and a half. $20 to the door man for a gram? Shit would be gone in like two days.

So starved for distraction I’ve almost completed a 600+ page book in three days.

Not sure where I’m going with this. Just needed to put the words down to get it out of my head....