My Mom Is Gone in Random Public Stuffs

I had to make that decision today.

I got the call at 1915 ish. There were so many alarms going. They were doing CPR and trying to get her intubated.

I cried and told her that I love her and that it was ok that she rest.

They stopped and she was gone. Just like that.

I heard yelling…alarms…even a saw.

I flashed back to those conversations with her.

That was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Logically, I know that is what she wanted, but I still feel horrible. I feel like I should’ve done more.

That’s why I couldn’t be an ER nurse. I could barely do hospice.

I keep telling myself she is pain-free.

But I still feel horrible.

She’s not hurting anymore. She’s with her loved ones she missed.

I still feel guilty for letting her go.