Thankful. in Since OD is shutting down....

I have just been sitting around thinking about how grateful I am for what I have and happy that I worked so hard to be able to take a break from working. I saved money and made really good financial choices to be able to spend time with my daughter. It’s sad to know that I had to quit my job to get my daughter potty trained. I still have a lot of resentment for my last job and how much it broke me down. It was designed to where nothing else in my life was a priority and I just couldn’t take it anymore.

My Mom got her unemployment again and actually gave me $130 yesterday! She also took my daughter and I out for lunch and bought us some stuff at Walmart. I’m glad that she did those things because it makes me feel better about stuff. I really appreciate everything she does and wish my Dad wouldn’t have been such a mooch all those years because then she had to turn around and mooch off us.

My kid’s Dad has been in touch with my friend. He started by saying he wanted to see his kid to basically show her off to his co-workers. When that didn’t work, he wanted me to bring her and have lunch. When that didn’t work, he mentioned signing over his rights again. A couple of days later, I messaged him and reminded him about getting up in my face like was going to hit me and I accept that he doesn’t want to be a Dad but I wasn’t going to tolerate him popping up every few months just to create unnecessary chaos. I am so over this motherfucker and I actually get pretty annoyed with my friend for continuing to entertain his crazy.

I can honestly say raising a child by myself is hard but it would be a lot harder if I was still begging and pleading for him to be involved. I wasted a lot of time on that and I will never do it again. He’s treated her like shit too and I want supervised visits for her safety. I honestly don’t believe that he should be around her any other way. I stay away from him and his family because any contact with them is never pleasant and I can’t deal with it anymore. I don’t like any of this and I’m always going to wish it was different but I tried to set up visitation with him and offered for him to see/take her anytime he wants and yet, he’s still choosing to be absent and that’s on him.

I’m really hoping that we are going to get the next stimulus. I could really use that money and I just wish they would stop talking about it until it’s actually going to happen. I’m tired of everything being such a fucking mess and this pandemic thing is just awful. I absolutely hate wearing a mask and I really hope things start to get better soon.