it never rains but it pours in A new era

i should be writing my uni assignment. inevitaably it is now i've decided to update!

i don't even know where to start. george passed away last sunday, eight days ago. peacefully, at home, with his family. and mercifully quickly, just as he wanted. it's a weird one, i didn't think i would be as upset as i was. then again, i suppose i'd never contemplated george not being here. he seemed like the kinda guy who would go on forever. his funeral is on the 14th. i'm in spain that week, so won't be there. given that the last thing he said to me was that i should live my life, enjoy myself, and make sure i get what i want, i'm guessing he'd be fine with me not being there. he was never really one for formality to be fair either.

then, fast forward to this weekend. my grandad had a stroke on saturday. he's still in the hospital. luckily his mobility has not been affected at all, but he has no speech, and his comprehension seems to be affected slightly too. he has his mobile phone but can't seem to manage to get the word from his head onto the screen. he's so incredibly stubborn, which the stroke coordinator said could be determined, but we all know basically it means he's gonna be a giant pain in the ass cos he hates being told what to do. my dad offered him his arm yesterday to help him to the toilet and he batted it away, he won't lose his pride for one moment. however, i think he'll do stuff he's not keen on for me and my sister because he won't want to see us upset. i made him a drink before i left last night, he's got thickener in his fluids until he's been assessed by speech therapy, and told him he needs to keep drinking or else they won't let him come home, and he hugged me and kissed me like he normally would.

it's just so very strange, he's another great man in my life who we always assumed would go on forever. he's 83 next month, has been diabetic for years and manages it without complication, and other than that has always been in good health. he's just literally come back from a holiday to italy with my grandma on wednesday. we have to just be thankful that the stroke happened while he was home and not while he was over there.

it's so sad to see, he's always been fiercely independent and he just looked lost. everything is taking him longer, his brain seems like it's slowed way down, you can visibly see his thought process as it happens.

my grandma seems to be coping ok, she stayed the first night at my uncle's house - that's another story for another day, needless to say my aunty who doesn't even like my grandparents is making sure she's got her face well in there. she was sat right next to my grandma yesterday, in my grandad's seat, giving it loads. needless to say, there is no love lost. she makes zero effort with them the rest of the time, some weeks she doesn't even visit them, and it's grating that she's taken it upon herself to insert herself now. we all just know that it's a case of making sure that if there's anything financial to be sorted, her and my uncle will be the first ones there to make sure they're not being duped. i really wish i was just being cynical, but my grandad had to change the executors of his will a few years back after my uncle made repeated comments about my dad and my aunty pam living abroad and therefore being entitled to less as they do less. i think my comment at the time was if that's how it works, who does more gets more, then everything they have would go to me, but you don't do things for family to reap a financial reward, you do it out of love.

when mum and dad were in dubai, my grandma had a skin cancer scare, and had several cancerous moles removed. cue also lots of follow up. add to that the suspected DVT, and the conversation with my uncle where he asked do i need to come down? he works twenty minutes away, for his own company, to my mind there is no question, it should have been a case of i'm on my way. then the problems with her knee and all the appointments related to that. so yes, no love lost. as far as i'm concerned, if a memeber of your family dies and leaves you something in their will then that's very generous, but you certainly shouldn't expect anything, and you definitely shouldn't walk around with a sense of entitlement. they drive me bonkers, and it's so transparent what their motives are. my grandad saw through it and took all of his kids off as executors and handed it over to a solicitor to take care of.

i know that my grandad will do more for me and my sister in his recovery than he will for anyone else. i know he will, because he won't want to see us upset. i know therefore that i will be spending a lot of time with him. do i begrudge it, not for one second. he's my grandad and i love him.

xx