Bittersweet in A new era

We went to see George today, myself, Jen and the kids. By coincidence, we arrived just as the oncologist was leaving. He'd just told George that he was looking at weeks rather than months, which doesn't surprise me, and I'm almost certain that now George knows how little time he has, it won't be long.

Symptomatically, he's much worse every time I see him, just conversation today was leaving him breathless despite the oxygen. He's been referred to palliative care, and they're coming to see him tomorrow, which makes me happy. He said he's keen to go home, but I can tell by looking at him, and judging by what he's said, that he's worried about how it'll work, how everyone will cope with it, with him being home, being so ill, dying at home.

It's entirely surreal to think that in a few short weeks he won't be here anymore. I remember another work colleague dying, Mary. She also went into hospital with something relatively trivial and wound up with cancer and going to a nursing home. She was only in her 60s. I had her mobile number in my phone for months, until I swapped to a new phone in fact. It didn't seem right to just delete it.

This afternoon, after visiting, grace decided she wanted to come back to my house. Every time I see her she wants to come to my house! She came back, with the frozen DVD, and stayed for tea. We watched some of the film, which she knows word for word, then she sat at the table drawing while I cooked her hotdogs, chips and 'sgetti' letters for tea.

We made paper aeroplanes and three them up and down the hallway, drew countless caterpillars - the hungry caterpillar is her new thing at nursery. She knows all about cocoons and caterpillars turning into beautiful butterflies. Her imagination is out of this world, it's entirely heartwarming to spend any amount of time in her presence.

After tea we watched the rest of frozen, her tiny little baby bird body tucked into mine. She's just turned three but she's still a little diddy doll. Sturdy, headstrong, but entirely loveable with her head of wild curls and wiry cuddles.

She insisted on having her bath here, so we had bubbles and a light up rubber duck, who ended up swimming in the jug that was intended to rinse her hair. She's just so full of joy, everything was the height of excitement today and it was a complete tonic after the visiting.

Tomorrow I'm taking my grandparents to the airport, then I'm off to buy some wool for my next knitting project. I've told Jen I'll pick grace up and bring her with me. Alfie is teething and has been grizzly for days, and grace is on Easter holidays so is out of her routine, so at least with grace out of her hair it's one less hell-child to contend with!

Xx