Had a dream, now can't sleep. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

As per my last entry, I may have jinxed myself regarding sleep. This is kind of a write it out, block it out. I’ll give a catch-all twigger warning as I’ll mention PTSD symptoms in myself.

I had a dream.

See, if you’ve never taken zinc, magnesium, and B-6 before bed, well. They improve your sleep. And give you vivid dreams.

When I woke up in the middle of the night, I was in a “did I actually sleep yet”? mode. Then I was recalling a recent episode of Star Trek Discovery. It was season 4, episode 2. It was a surprise episode, as CBS never announced they were going straight from season 3 to season 4.

That’s when I realized it was a dream. There is no season 4.

I recalled the dream, as I kind of like to do that. And now I’m almost regret it, as it lead me down a rabbit hole of simple analysis.

There’s an alien behind some sort of force field. Or some kind of wall. He’s fading and can’t hold on much longer. There’s a monster near him. But, the crew of Discovery are coming. There’s even monsters around them. Some crawling on the floor. Forget if there was a big one that they had to hold off.

Phasers hot, they hold off the monsters, blow through the wall, and get the alien to safety. In-dream, my mental thought was how awesome an episode it was. Won’t get into how it borrows elements from recent episodes.

Now, dream analysis is imperfect, but for me, my read on the symbolism is so clear.

The alien is me. The monsters represent my attacker. And the Discovery crew is my alter-ego that emerged after recent trauma to save me. She has a name I won’t share publically-publically.

That acknowledgement, well. while maybe correct, caused flashbacks. Always degrees with flashbacks, but it’s how it makes you feel that matters. When my alter-ego emerged, I’d gone three nights without sleep and gripped with utter fear at 3 am. Scary feeling, utterly scary. Anxious, scared, fearful, and alone.

So I recognize that touch of fear in the bit of my stomach after recalling the dream. Was having difficulty blocking out the thoughts. I wasn’t shaking, but I had something new happen that kind of woke me up a little more. I realized I was feeling physical echoes from the trauma, where I was touched. I say echoes, because there’s no pain.

Like I said, I OBVIOUSLY have PTSD. If this was “bad dream” or a nightmare, it’s the first one I’ve recognized. My trauma was on December 21st. Of course, that Timmy gets saved is an upside. I wasn’t scared during the dream, I was entertained because I just thought it was an episode of Star Trek.

But, well. Here we are. I’ll engage Operation Distraction. Watch some Netflix for a bit to clear my head, and hopefully that lump of fear in my stomach won’t be there. I WOULD like some more sleep.

There, I wrote it out, now I can try to block it out. Or gosh, maybe I shouldn’t analyze my dreams…