A Bit Lost in Journal

Yea, I am lost.

I don’t really know what to do. I’ve got this idea that we can be great people. We could be awesome. We should be good. But… I don’t know how.

DH is depressed. Idk how I never recognized it before. I was too self absorbed, apparently. I feel a lot of compassion for him. But. At the same time I’m angry. I’m angry because I’m doing his job.
I don’t know what it’s like to be a man. At all. It seems… difficult. There is no way to win. Mom tells you what to do, then your wife… Any attempt to break off into a man dominated space is blocked. And now we have a kid, so it’s next to impossible.
I don’t know how to help him, either. I need to stop doing this job. That’s for sure.
So I can start there, I guess.

I have mixed feelings about that. I don’t really know where my responsibility ends. I don’t know where my integrity is. I don’t know who should be doing what. And when it doesn’t get done, or done badly, I feel compelled to step in.
This instinctual impulse is wrong. It lacks self reflection. It lacks a real, tangible purpose. How do I align my impulses with purpose?
I don’t know.

I don’t know what to do.