01.02.2024 in Whatever Will Be Will Be

Well, I have been writing here since 2014! That.. is intense and interesting. As ever, I haven’t the time to do what I wish to do; which includes writing here. NEW BOOK and all that. I’ll come back and write something proper about wrapping up last year and looking to the future and all that. I just… really don’t have the time for it at this second.

This is an excellent example of the above. I have been at my desk working non-stop, not even enough time to appreciate how much I’m getting done because there’s still so much to do. When suddenly an immense pain in my stomach and head occur simultaneously and I realize… “Oh. I’m hungry! I need to make sure I have lunch today as I have almost 120 hearings this afternoon and rehearsal for the play tonight!”

The surprise is how sleepy I am. So tired. So busy. Push myself as hard as possible through the sleepy to get the actual work done but… I also know both that my work will not be as good due to sleepy and that I will just get more sleepy by doing so. But taking a nap so that I can tackle things later is really not an option. Not just because I’m at work but also because WHEN things happen in my life are not often controlled by me. I have judges and trial dockets and court schedules that set all of that in motion. So, as much as I would love to… I can’t sleep. I can’t take an actual break. I have to keep going. Brarhg.

Woof! After that many hearings, I once again find myself, in a word bushed. That’s the “starting very tired” going to “super tired” and all. I have 73 minutes left of work left and… boy, I should do what I can. But that’s tough. On one hand, I have “Attempt to have multiple conversations.” Well… I just finished up talking for almost 90 minutes straight. So, I would like to pass on that for now. On the other hand, I have “prep tomorrow’s docket”. Which, I can do some of but not all of because I really need to see the full and proper Court Schedule. Typically, we get a rough draft that we can’t rely upon but can use as guidance. We don’t have one of those for tomorrow. So, I’ll have to do the “quickly make things look organized despite getting the information needed on the MORNNING OF.”

All that being said… I realized that I am already to a point where I want to apologize about this article. I seem to be exceptionally whinny in this and that is a terrible way to start a year. I should be writing about the New Year’s Weekend and all that time spent with Hermia. Or the “Son did something accidentally cruel, Mom explodes; Chris helps calm things in a productive way that re-focuses the attention to communication as opposed to emotional response.” I could be writing about the extra work to try to memorize the script and realizing- in a script where six people have a conversation, I honestly can’t memorize my lines for “Stage Perfect” without other people. I can tell you what my lines are; I just don’t know when to say them. And considering we haven’t actually had a rehearsal yet, whether I’m given grace for it or not- I’m not going to be hard on myself regarding line memorization. At least not in this early early stage. I could write about all of that. Or the amazing sexual escapades… or the new years plans… or the work on the basement… or just about anything at all. And parts of me want to be writing about that. I have lists of things to write. A sexy self-reflection for one space; an End of Year Survey for here; a “Resolutions or Not” entry to contemplate within myself and then share; not to mention all the drafts in this folder already advertising that they’ve just sat there (some for years) while I ignored them- neither deleting nor finishing.

But instead of writing any of that, or studying my lines, or getting some work done… I am just… actively fighting hard to not just… drop and go to sleep. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that I can be energetic and productive.... either later tonight. Or tomorrow. I sure hope I will have some energy for tomorrow. I have some big hearings to tackle tomorrow afternoon!